


Nicest Things

by Maybe_Tomorrow_Then



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom, Larry Stylinson - Fandom, Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Bottom Harry, Closeted Louis, Footballer Louis, I swear, It all works out though, Jesse Lingard - Freeform, Lots of footballers too, M/M, Manager Niall, Marcus Rashford - Freeform, Model Zayn, Musician Harry, Singer Harry, Top Louis, World cup 2018 Louis, footballer liam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 13:17:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13077669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maybe_Tomorrow_Then/pseuds/Maybe_Tomorrow_Then
Summary: Pop/Rock Star Harry meets a footballer Louis who he may or may not have fantasized about, many a time!Nicest Things - “Louis tilts his head to the side slightly, letting his eyes follow the full length of Harry’s body. He had hands down never met anyone as good looking as the guy stood in front of him. He wanted to grab his head, bring their lips together just to see what whiskey tastes like on him.“My eyes are up here” harry says with a smirk, and fuck, if it’s not the sexiest thing Louis has ever seen.“





	Nicest Things

**Author's Note:**

> This hasn’t been edited so please forgive the mistakes you come across... promise it’s on my to-do list!!
> 
> Secret Santa Exchange!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, I loved writing this, Football Louis is my fave and I only want good things for that boy! 
> 
> Be sure to let me know what you think. 
> 
> You can follow me on Tumblr
> 
> Have a lovely Christmas and a wonderful 2018
> 
> Alex

[Playlist of all songs used in this fic...](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLfDUaG9BeAhs06NY8BPwHyrMqVkHsn9J8)

 

**Half The World Away – Oasis**

 

The buzzing in his ears finally stopped about 3 hours after he got off stage. It wasn’t unusual for it to be like this, he can’t complain about it though can he? His fans are brilliant, they always turn up for him. Anyone else would kill to have fans like his, it’s just sometimes... sometimes, it’s a bit much. Like now, he finished his gig and he is back in his hotel, in bed. There are fans outside the hotel screaming at half 12 at night and it’s just a little hard to take on days like today. He doesn’t like to complain though and he knows when he wakes up he will go down and sign anything for anyone that’s still there.

 

That’s what he does. That’s why they still come.

 

It’s the final night of his tour until early the following year. He is going home and spending some much needed time with his family and he can’t wait, as much as he love touring, he loves going home. He misses them more than he ever thought he could. Although he’s not sure about missing being nagged again off him mum, last time she would not let it drop that he was still single. Apparently she isn’t happy with the fact that she isn’t getting grandkids anytime soon.

 

That will be fun.

 

He had only recently come out to the public. Everyone had expected him to go mental, take home a different bloke every night, like he had to make up for lost time. He didn’t, if he’s honest, he hasn’t gotten laid since.

 

The second he lands back in Manchester and his phone has time to readjust itself he gets a text from his manager

 

**From Niall: Pride of Britain awards are on this week, they want to know if you will present an award? I said yes, didn’t think you’d mind? Also do you need a plus one? Grimmy is going if you’d rather go with him. Let me know pal – Ni x**

 

He hates that they automatically assume that he doesn’t want a plus one and that he is just ok going with his mate... he is ok with it, he just hates that they assume it. Luckily for him, his manager is also one of his best mates, so it's not that bad.

 

**To Niall: Of course I’ll be there. Send me the details and yeah I’ll go with Grimmy. Cheers – H x**

 

He knows he doesn’t need to ask Nick. He will be ok with him tagging along, he always is. Will be nice for him to see him, it’s been a while! That’s one thing he had to give up when he left for world tours and sold out crowds, time with his mates. He brings them along with him when he can, but they all have their own lives, their own jobs.

 

　

**Raise Your Glass - P!nk**

 

Louis hated international breaks. He hadn’t been picked for the England squad in a year and it was starting to kill him, next year was the World Cup and he had to prove that he was worthy of a place back on the team.

 

He had been in the England squad until he was seen out partying one night, a little worse for wear, he kicked off with some paps and he was kicked off the England squad so they could "set an example" it was bullshit.

 

Gareth Southgate has recently taken over the managerial role and this meant Louis had a new shot, so he was working his arse off to makes sure he impressed. So while the rest of the Manchester United squad was off on international duties he was back in the gym. Working on his strength with ball control because lately the only thing stronger than his right foot was his drinking arm.

 

"Louis hi!" The voice said as he picked up the phone

 

"It’s Gareth Southgate" of course it is, Louis rolls his eyes

 

"Liam, how stupid do you think I am? Do you think if he was really ringing me he would do it himself? He would have one of his lackies do it for him… also terrible impression, it needs to be a little more nasal" Louis says as he towels himself down, there is a silence

 

"Erm... well unfortunately Louis all my lackies are busy so you’re stuck with talking to me" the voice said back. Louis whole body flushed a deep shade of red

 

"Oh for fuck sake," he mumbles into the towel he has now put over his face "look I’m really sorry, I just have a mate who likes to take the piss and he knows I’ve been waiting for a call up and... I’m sorry man" Louis prays he hasn’t fucked up before its even began

 

"You really are a bit of a risk hey?" Gareth chuckles into the phone "look Louis, you’re a hell of a player but you are, like I said, a risk. The second that badge is on your chest I need you to realise how much I’m putting on the line for you, people have tried to talk me out of this. You could be great but I need you to keep your head down and out of the headlines" he tells him

 

"Wait, are you saying?" He pauses for a second

 

"You’re joking right? How could a pick a starting 11 that didn’t have you in it? You have a natural god given talent and you’re on form! But I’m warning you, I don’t need to name my World Cup squad until March, you need to prove to me that you’re not going to fuck this up" and Louis will. He will work his arse off for his place

 

He spends the rest of the day on a high. He will spend the next 6months doing nothing but eat, sleep, train and sleep if he has to.

 

**From Manager Josh: Little heads up, Gareth Southgate may ring you for a chat. Don’t say anything stupid.**

 

He rolls his eyes as he read the text from his agent. Perfect timing.

 

**To Manager Josh: Yeah too late for that, but thanks.**

 

**From Manager Josh: What did you say?! Also are you still ok for the Pride of Britain? They want to know if you will present an award?**

**To Manager Josh: I didn’t say anything too bad... well I did but it’s fine. Yes of course, would love to. Send me the details.**

 

Louis hated most award shows, but the Pride of Britain was something that was close to his heart. He would always go with him mum, it was always so nice to see people doing good things just because they were good people. Always broke his heart too, they could ask him to do anything and he would, he hates public speaking though. That’s the only issue, just means he will have to have a few drinks before he gets there. Only a few though, he’s a future England player don’t you know.

 

　

**She Wears Red Feathers – Guy Mitchel**

 

Harry had been in London all of 30minutes and Nick already had gotten a drink in his hand

 

"What’s the point in being a pop star if you don’t take the perks" he had said when the shop assistant handed them champagne while the looked at suits

"What you thinking?" Nick asks him as he downs the champagne in one

 

"I don’t know, I don’t want black but I obviously don’t want sparkles" Harry chuckled and nick nods

 

"Probably not appropriate.. ooh what about this?" Nick says letting his fingers run over the red velvet suit

 

"That’s so pretty," Harry says eyeing up the Saint Laurent Tux "that’s the one" he says to nick with a grin, Nick rolls his eyes

 

"You’re like s bride picking out a wedding dress" he laughs at harry who just grins

 

"And? I like a good suit, feel like I can take on the world" he says with a heart-warming smile

 

"Fine, well that’s you sorted pop star! Now let’s do me!" Nick says as Harry signals to the assistant that he wants the tux.

 

The thing with harry is if he sees something he likes he’s gets it. He doesn’t do that thing where he ‘umm’s and ahh’s’ for ages before going back to the first thing he sees. He saw the suit, loved the suit, bought the suit. It’s as simple as that.

 

Louis was the opposite of harry, he never knew what he wanted. Even what it had been picked out and out in front of him he didn’t know he wanted it.

 

He had a tux in his wardrobe that he was going to wear. His teammate and captain had text him earlier in the day and specifically told him he wasn’t to wear it. He needed a new one. Which lead to him begging the shop assistant for help. He just told her he didn’t want black and he wanted his arse to look good.

 

She knew just the suit.

 

**Can’t Take My Eyes off You – Frankie Valli**

 

"Tell me you’re ready?" Harry nagged Nick before they climbed out of the car

 

"You could have gone in without me" Nick had told him, even though he knows full well Harry wouldn’t. He’s shy at these sorts of things before a drink or two.

 

That’s what they do the second they are inside, they finish the champagne they are handed as they walk in and find their way to the bar. If he is going to be presenting anything he needs something to calm his nerves, for someone who spends a lot of time on stage he is sure scared of public speaking.

 

The night is slow paced, he appreciates it. He takes the occasional selfie, but with the evening being what it is people tend to not get too over the top. He likes that.

 

He is going to be presenting an award to the first responders from the Manchester Arena bombing. He’s not sure he is going to be able to do it without crying, he will try.

 

"Harry," a tall man with a pleasant smile says as he walks backstage to be told what he needs to do "how are you?" Harry feels like he should recognise him, but he doesn’t. This is why he needs Nick. Nick remembers people’s names

 

　

"I’m good thanks, how’re you? Where would you like me?" Harry asks avoiding need for names

 

"Well we are just waiting on... Oh there he is, Louis!" He shouts over to a shorter man, not just any man. It’s Louis Tomlinson, current premier league leading goal scorer, biggest talent to play in a number 7 shirt at Old Trafford since Ronaldo left. Harry has definitely not cum over the image of him.

 

Ok so he has.

 

Many a time.

 

"Hey man!" Louis says pulling him in got a hug

 

"This is Harry, Harry - Louis" he says gesturing between them both

 

"Of course" Louis says "big fan mate, love your new track" sure, Harry thinks

 

"Oh thanks, I’m massive fan" of your thighs.

 

"So, I thought you two having such close connections to Manchester would be best for this ya know? You can do it with real meaning. You will go on, read a few sentences from the autocue and then a show film will play before you give them their award, is that ok?" Everything he says sounds sort of rushed, Harry doesn’t feel ok with it, he wants him to go over it again but Louis is nodding, so Harry nods too.

 

When he finally walks away Louis turns to Harry breathing out "haven’t got a fucking clue who that was or what he was actually talking about" Louis says and Harry laughs

 

"Thank fuck, because neither did I" Louis laughs, his eyes crinkle at the sides and Harry mentally swoons. They are definitely bluer in real life.

 

All things considered it goes well, Louis only stumbles over his words a few times. Harry doesn’t cry.

 

Ok that’s a lie, he does.

 

He can’t help it, seeing the scenes play out again on film, it gets to him. That could have easily been him playing there, him at the gig.. It was just so close to home.

 

They end up back at someone’s house, Harry doesn’t know who it belongs to but once Nick puts a drink in his hand he isn’t sure he cares.

 

He notices Louis a few times during the night, every time he smiles at Harry, he knows he shouldn’t read too much into it, but he doesn’t see him smiling at anyone else. He might be, Harry just hasn’t seen it.

 

The night is still young but Harry feels buzzed, the tequila he had is slowly working its way through his veins

 

* * *

 

 

Louis watched Harry as he laughed, it felt like something out of a book, the way he threw his head back or the way his smile was sort of lopsided, god he needed to stop staring. It didn’t help that he kept pushing his hair out of his face either, every time he did Louis just got to see how big his hands were. He caught him smiling at him a few times during the night, but looking at how he is with everyone else, Louis shouldn’t feel special. Harry seemed to be the type of person who will talk to anyone, make them feel like they have known him for years, even if in reality it's only been moments.

 

He was stood with his captain and best mate, Liam when he came over to them later that night. You could tell by his eyes that he was a little tipsy. It looked good on him. Louis elbowed Liam as he walked over, unsure if he could handle a conversation with just the two of them alone

 

"Can I just say," Harry starts, licking his lips. Louis is fucked "that seeing you two in normal clothes is deeply disturbing for me" He laughs and Liam joins in. Good, Liam liking someone is always a good sign

 

"Sorry mate, did you want us here in out kit?" He jokes and Harry laughs, but Louis cant notice how Harry’s eyes drop to Louis thighs for just one second

 

Oh.

 

"Of course not, it's just… you look sort of normal like this," he gestures between the two of them "I’m used to seeing you looking like some sort of gods on telly and shit"

 

"Well I do get compared to god an awful lot" Louis says with a wink

 

"I bet you do" Louis can feel Liam’s eyes flicking between the two of them

 

"I’m going to get a drink, anyone want one? No? Good" He says before walking off

 

"He seems nice" Harry says with a smile

 

"And what about me?" He asks Harry with a smirk

 

"Surprisingly you’re everything I expected you to be" Harry says and Louis raises and eyebrow

 

"How so?"

 

"Not that I have thought about you," Harry says and Louis smirks at him "but, you always looked like you smell good ya know? You look cheeky but not arrogant, fit perfectly into a suit, you seem funny plus you have a smile that could charm a nun out of her knickers" Harry finishes the rest of his drink, eyes firmly traced on Louis face

 

"You have so thought about me" Louis tells him as he leans against the wall, his eyes move down Harry’s body "I never knew a man could look so good in red velvet" He says taking the sleeve of the suit between his fingers

 

Harry smiles looking down at the floor. They both know exactly where this is going

 

"You about to tell me it you would look better on your bedroom floor?" Harry smirk

 

"Mayb-"

 

"There you are" Louis manager says putting a hand on his shoulder "we have to go mate, training first thing and the last thing you need is to be in the papers stumbling home at half 4"

 

"Oh yeah, right... Yeah ok," Louis says, Josh pulling him out of whatever Harry-based-trance he was in "it was nice meeting you Harry" Louis says with a smile

 

"Maybe we could go for a drink some time?" Harry asks

 

"Sorry mate, did you not get the memo?" Josh says "Louis is straight" And with that they are gone, leaving Harry stood with a drink in one hand and a massive question in the other.

 

**Dazed and Confused – Led Zeplin**

 

Harry wasn’t one for ‘celebrity’ social events. In fact, he hated them. It just so happens that he knows a guy, who knows a guy, who is in touch with event organisers and knows who is going to what party. So although he hates these types of things he finds himself asking if Louis Tomlinson has RSVP’d any events lately.

 

It wasn’t weird. No matter how much Niall said it was, it wasn’t!

 

He stands in front of his wardrobe unsure what to wear. He felt like a teenager. He has raked his fingers over the same suits repeatedly, he had agreed to attend a charity gala, that’s one thing he never minded, charity events. It’s a Leukaemia research event and he knows that Louis is going to be there – Harry had learned that he had become an ambassador before his mum past and in all honest, it took everything he had not to cry.

 

The place was nice, it felt very ‘works Christmas-doo esque’ he had settled on a grey tux. He didn’t want to just go black and boring, but he didn’t really want to wear anything too crazy.

 

There are lots of people around, his heart is beating against his chest. He isn’t great in places like this unless he has had a drink, that’s not exactly a great thing to admit but it’s true. Over the past 2-3 years, the more popular Harry has got, the worse his anxiety got. He tends to go places like this with friends, that always helps him keep a grip on himself.

 

The night went by rather quickly, Harry had found himself on a table with Ed (Sheeran), a few people from the charity and Cheryl Cole… or Tweedy, or whatever she was going by these days. In all fairness it was a weird bunch of people, but it sort of worked. Harry had known Ed for years so it was nice to have someone familiar with him.

 

He noticed Louis a few times, always looking busy and very important, he decided to ignore him and just enjoy the night.

 

He found himself in a bidding war when the auction started, himself and Liam, Louis' captain, battled it out over some original art work by an artist neither of them really knew, but turns out they are both extremely competitive. Harry ended up winning, striking a deal with Liam, harry could have it and Liam would match his bid if he gave him guitar lessons, they shook on it and both wrote out cheques for £11,000.

 

"I’ve never spent so much money so quickly" Harry said with a laugh as he and Liam met with the auctioneer

 

"Do you not own a car or a house?" Liam asked with a grin and a nudge of his arm, joking with him like they had been friends forever

 

"Ok, it's been a while since I spent that much money" He liked Liam, he seemed friendly. The swap numbers and Harry promise him he will be the best teacher, telling him he will be playing like Hendrix in no time.

 

The rest of the night was filled with music and drink, he bumped into people he only ever sees at parties like this, promising to meet up soon knowing full well it will never happen.

 

He reaches for the bar, signalling to the barman "two double whiskey and coke please" he says with a soft smile, he should have gone for three. He downs the first as he hands the money over.

 

"Someone’s here to have a good time" a voice says from behind him. It's weird, he should recognise the voice when he has his back turned and his eyes shut, but he does

 

"Oh, hi" Harry says as he turns round. "I just… I’m not like, a lush or anything I swear" harry said feeling like had to explain himself

 

"Hey," Louis said lifting his hands up in protest "I’m not one to judge, it's good to see you here" Louis eyes sparkle under the dim light above them

 

"I wouldn’t miss it, it’s a great cause" it wasn’t a lie

 

"Yeah, I’ve been seeing you about a lot lately" He smirks and Harry wants to cry at how pretty he is

 

"What can I say? I’m a social butterfly" That was a lie

 

　

**Fastlove Pt.1 – George Michael**

 

"I'm sure you are" Louis nods with a smile, Harry's smile is big and bright, he takes a sip of his drink and Louis can’t help but watch the way he licks his lips after it which Harry definitely notices.

 

Louis tilts his head to the side slightly, letting his eyes follow the full length of Harry’s body. He had hands down never met anyone as good looking as the guy stood in front of him. He wanted to grab his head, bring their lips together just to see what whiskey tastes like on him.

 

"My eyes are up here" harry says with a smirk, and fuck, if it’s not the sexiest thing Louis has ever seen

 

"You have green eyes" Louis says, making Harry laugh

 

"I do, you have blue… very, very blue" Harry says, pulling his bottom lip in between his teeth before taking another sip of his drink

 

"How do you do that?" Louis asks, gesturing to his face

 

"What?" Harry asks in confusion

 

"Look that good while being smug?" Louis says

 

"Wasn’t being smug" Harry shrugs

 

"I like your suit," He tells Harry who laughs, they’ve been here before

 

"Let me guess… It will look better on your floor?" He says and Louis smirks

 

"You -- Oh hey mate" Louis says as his manager approaches "Josh, Harry – Harry Josh" he says smiling between them. Josh’s face doesn’t change he just nods. Harry shifts slightly against the bar.

 

"You have to do some interviews with media," He nods over towards the stage, Louis almost forgot why he was here "Maybe go sort that?" He smiles

 

"Yeah, yeah – fuck, sorry harry, I've got to go" He smiles at Harry who just nods with a small smile on his lips. God he so doesn’t want to leave.

 

"Listen mate," Josh said bringing Harry out of his head as he watched Louis walked away "I don’t know what you’re expecting, I really don’t, but Louis is straight"

 

**Land of Confusion – Genesis**

 

Harry blinked a few times at him "But.. he.." He looked at Josh who laughed

 

"Right, sure, you clearly just had the wrong end of the stick, happens a lot with your type" Josh says and Harry feels like he’s had the wind sucked out of him

 

"My type?" He says, softly

 

"Yeah, look, Louis is straight and he doesn’t need you hanging around, it seems pretty desperate ya know? Maybe take the hint and just like… leave him alone" Josh says before turning round and walking away.

 

Harry felt like he had actually been kicked in the balls, he had never been made to feel like this before, he had never been made to feel like shit for who he was.

 

He slid his phone in his back pocket, straightening his jacket and brushing his hair off his face before downing his drink and heading for the exit.

 

He climbed into the back of his taxi, what the fuck was that?

 

Harry stayed in bed as long as he could, he doesn’t remember the last time he was in London and didn’t have to get up at the crack of dawn for something, only he couldn’t sleep. He’s always been an early riser, rises early and then naps throughout the day. He is basically a cat.

 

Lay in bed decides to scroll through twitter. So many great pictures from last night, loads of himself and Louis on stage from when they did the Pride of Britain. They looked good together. Harry still couldn’t believe he was straight, but hey, it's not the first time he has made a dick of himself and he is sure it won't be the last.

 

He types ‘Louis Tomlinson gay’ into Google, scrolling through the matches. Most of it is bollox, just the same shit that Harry has read about celebrities a million times, but one article gets his attention

 

_Louis Tomlinson – I’m Straight_

 

_Rising football star and new face of Burberry Men Louis Tomlinson this week sat down with us to talk about his sexuality. It is something that has long been questioned and the man himself would like to clear a few things u_

_"I am in fact straight" Louis told us when we asked about him "It’s ridiculous that I even have to say this you know?" he went on to tell us how he had always been a little dramatic and over the top, flamboyant, some would say, and that this is where the confusion lies._

_Louis was recently seen out and about with his friend and England number 1 Joe Hat. Hart himself has had his sexuality questioned a number of times but has never actually commented on it, in the pictures the two of them appear to be holding hands_

_"I was drunk and he was helping me down the stairs" Louis told us when we asked about these pictures…_

 

Harry put his phone down, he didn’t want to read anymore. He didn’t understand why someone would feel the need to tell everyone they were straight? Unless he was homophobic and scared of being called gay? Harry didn’t think that was the case. He may not know him well, but from what he does know, he seems like a decent enough bloke.

 

Maybe appearances are just deceptive

 

**KIWI – Harry Styles**

 

Louis spent training working as hard as he could, doing his best not to think about what Josh had said to him on the way home.

 

"Look Louis," Josh said when they got in the taxi "You are supposed to be keeping your head down, you have just been given the chance to play for England again, how is it going to look to the paps if you leave with someone like him?"

 

Louis did nothing but pout. He had told him that he needed to stay away from people like Harry, people who will hurt his credibility with companies, he even used the phrase "Gay doesn't sell" which Louis thought was both homophobic and also untrue! He had never fully come out to Josh, but he knows that he knows... he does everything he can to help Louis keep it under wraps. He can't begin to imagine how his team would react if they found out!

 

It was the first time in a long time that Louis had been attracted to someone who wasn’t after him to get champions league final tickets. The way Harry smiled at him, the way he easily flirted with him in a way that made him feel like every nerve was on edge. He smells so good too, smells expensive. He has these hands, these big hands, god and his lips... right Louis was definitely doing more than thinking about training.

 

He still doesn’t know what josh meant by "someone like him" he was too afraid to ask. All that Louis knew was that he was going to do all he could to bump into Harry again. All he had to do was a light internet stalk to find out what, if any events he would be attending and somehow wrangle himself an invite.

 

_ Harry Styles: X-Factor Sunday 8pm- He is set to perform his new single KIWI. _

 

Perfect, Louis thought to himself with a smile. He knows what he is doing Sunday

 

"Why do you want to go?" Josh asked him when he asked if he could get tickets

 

"Liam loves the show and I wanted to surprise him, he’s been feeling a bit shit lately" Louis lies, but he knows Liam really does love the show. Josh just shrugs, but somehow, he gets the tickets.

 

He can't help but feel a little giddy.

 

Liam didn’t take much convincing; in fact he didn’t take any. He is the only person that Louis socialises with off the pitch, most footballers are bellends these days, not Liam. He was genuine. Heart of gold.

 

"So, who you trying to sleep with?" Also observant as fuck

 

"I’m not trying to sleep with anyone, why do you think so little of me?" Louis asks and Liam rolls his eyes as they take their seat

 

"Remember that time you made us go to Alton Towers? Even though you hate it?" Louis does remember, they had both started the United Training Academy at the same time, there was a lad, Chris Eagle’s was his name. Louis was a little bit in love. He heard that he was going to Alton Towers so Louis made Liam go with him

 

"Oh come on, that was one time! Plus you had a great time, just like tonight" Louis says with a smile. Liam shakes his head, but to his credit he doesn’t bring it up again

 

At least until Dermot introduces Harry Styles on the stage

 

Liam smirks at Louis, who is sure if the lights were on you would definitely be able to see him blush. The blood rushing to his face is probably a good thing, watching Harry dance around on stage Louis is scared the blood will rush elsewhere.

 

He just stares, he can’t help it. He knows he can sing, he’s heard him. But to see him, he looks… fucking god like. He has some sort of jumpsuit on and Louis never thought he would find something so sexy. He is so confident, he owns the stage. Everyone is on their feet and shouting for him, he has them eating out of the palms of his hands. Fuck, he’s good

 

After the show had finished the producers brought them back stage, the contestants all coming over to take selfies and ask questions. Louis forgets about this, forgets that people know who he is, they want to talk to him.

 

He spots Harry laughing with someone from his band, he spots Louis, he does a double take before he goes back to the woman in front of him.

 

It’s getting ridiculous, it’s like he is teenager chasing around the first guy he ever head a crush on. He leaves Liam talking with Nicole and Dermot, he looks like he is in his element. He needs to fins the toilets. He needs to breathe and calm himself

 

"Oops" he bumps into someone as the doors open

 

"Hi" he mumbles, looking up to meet his eyes

 

"Hello" Harry smirks not moving from in front of Louis

 

"Erm.. You were incredible" He tells Harry, why does he suddenly feel shy?

 

"Thank you, I didn’t know you would be here" Harry says "if I had of known I would have brought my sister, she's a big fan" He says and Louis rolls his eyes, he knows what he is doing

 

**Say – John Mayer**

 

"Harry,"

 

"No, answer me this, did I get it wrong?" He asks Louis like he already knows the answer "where you or where you not flirting with me?"

 

"Yes but.."

 

"No, no buts. What's your deal? You don’t want people to question your sexuality but you’ll happily go around flirting with gay people" Harry asks cutting him off once more, it comes across a little harsher than he would have liked.

 

Louis pushes Harry back into the toilet, Harry doesn’t even flinch

 

"Harry, you don’t understand" Louis says and Harry tilts his head to one side

 

"Then tell me, make me understand, was I just doing to be someone you flirted with so you could get more column time?" He asks

 

"What? Why would you think that? I hate being in the paper or press or whatever, for anything! Sexuality or not, I wouldn’t do that" Louis says and Harry believes him

 

"So what? Why speak to me, flirt with me, repeatedly to then have your manager tell me you’re straight?" He moves a little closer to Louis, backing him up against the wall

 

"It’s not straight forward with me" Louis shrugs and Harry can’t help be scoff

 

"It’s never straight forward with anyone Louis, if you knew it wasn’t straight forward why flirt with me?" He notices Louis eyes move down to his lips, he steps a little closer

 

"I couldn’t help myself" Louis says, voice low

 

"Yeah?" Harry asks with a smirk

 

"Oh fuck off don’t get big headed about it, you know it’s true" He says as Harry moves his hand up towards Louis face

 

"So if your manager hadn’t of come over? What would have happened?" He moves his thumb along his jaw, not missing the way his breathe hitches at his touch

 

"I would have taken you home" Louis admits

 

"Yeah?" Harry smirks once more "then what?" he shifts his body a little closer, he can already picture how perfectly Louis would fit alongside him

 

Before Louis can answer the door swings open, Harry takes a step back, turning to look into the mirror. Smirk still planted on his face.

 

Louis sneaks out of the bathroom, running his hand through his hair before breathing out. Fuck.

 

He walks around for 5 minutes to calm himself down before he finds Liam, who is genuinely having a good time, at least something good came from tonight.

 

They leave together, Louis really not wanting to bump into Harry again, he is unsure what he would do with himself if he saw him again.

 

"Here," Liam says handing Louis a bit of paper before he climbs out of the car "Harry asked me to give you this, he seems… nice" Liam smirks

 

Louis sits outside Liam’s house just looking down at the paper for an hour before he drives home.

 

11 digits. That’s all it takes to make Louis heart beat like it's about to burst through his chest.

 

**Lose My Mind - Brett Eldredge**

 

Harry had made the stupid mistake of agreeing to co-host Nicks show with him. He loved doing it normally, but getting himself up at half 4 was a killer today.

 

He thought about Louis more than he would like to admit, his stomach did this weird flip thing every time he thought about how Louis pushed him into the toilets, it did something to Harry. He needed to get him alone, he wants to see how Louis would be around him with nobody else interrupting them.

 

After Louis walked away he found Liam, he mentioned the guitar lessons as an in, casually dropping him a piece of paper with his number on to give Louis making up some lie about lessons for someone’s birthday. Liam smirked, it was definitely a better response than the one he got from his manager.

 

Nick had been giving him the eye all morning, he knew something was wrong. It was going ok though, played a few of his songs, rang up a few of his friends and basically just had a good time. The perks of your mate being a DJ.

 

Clean Bandit – Symphony is playing when Nick throws a rolled up bit of paper at him giving him ‘the look’ once more. Harry just shakes his head

 

"come on, who is he" Nick asks, double checking that the mics are definitely off, Harry just shakes head again "How stupid do you think I am? How long have I known you? At least don’t offend me with your inability to hide your emotions" Nick says with mock hurt

 

"Fine," Harry rolls his eyes and nick claps his hands "there may or may not have been someone I was flirting with - just a little, then found out he was ‘straight’" Harry air quotes "then he told me he wanted to take me home.. Honestly I don’t know, I’m confused" Harry whines and Nick pouts

 

"Aww pop star, is he famous? Is that why the air quotes? Because that’s not something you want to get involved in. Speaking as a very gay man who has been with some apparently not very gay people, you’re just going to get hurt bud, don’t go there" Luckily the music is coming to an end and Harry doesn’t need to answer

 

"Welcome back to BBC radio 1, that was clean bandit and Zara Larson, I am still joined by the wonderful Mr Harry Styles… Hello love" Nick introduces him with a smile

 

"Hiiiiiii" Harry says into the mic

 

"Ok so, I have a friend" Nick says

 

"Shut up, as if you have a friend" Harry says with a grin

 

"Funny, anyway, as I was saying, I have a friend, who has a bit of a problem, he likes a guy" Harrys eyes go wide "but he isn’t sure the guy likes him back and he was wondering if the wonderful radio 1 listeners can help him out what would you suggest he do? Get your texts and tweets in, pop star, what do you think he should do?" Nick asks and Harry wants to kill him

 

"He should ask him right? If he doesn’t like him, move on" Harry says and Nick laughs

 

"Solid advice, maybe my mate will take that advice... Ok stay tuned coming up we have another from Mr Harry Styles and The 1975, Next on radio 1" Harry wants to kick him, or shout at him, but the web-cam is on. He knows the second he reacts to this it's going to cause a stir. He just gives him a look that Nick has seen many times before,

 

Harry is going to rip into him the second they finish.

 

To his credit, Harry doesn't punch Nick in the arm until they set foot in his flat. Nick rubs his arms as he laughs and runs towards the kitchen, he knows they are going to need a shit ton of tea for this conversation.

 

Harry tells him all about Louis, about the fact that he is incredibly gorgeous and funny and just ever so lovely. He may actually have heart eyes right now, he feels like a school kid. Nick doesn't do much in the way of help, he just sits and nods. That's more than helpful though, Harry can sit and say what the hell he wants and not feel judged. Nick is making their second brew when he offers his first bit of advice

 

"Ok, so he has your number right?" Harry nods "the balls in his court mate, if, and It’s a big if I’m afraid, if he texts you.." Nick looks at Harry, his eyes like those of a puppy, a slight pout on his lips "Ya know what, I was going to tell you to not go for it, it's never worked for me" Nick says

 

"But..?" Harry says, guessing Nicks next words

"But, pop star, you’re not me... this situation is slightly different from any I've been in, do you just want to sleep with him?" Nick asks and Harry freezes for a second before shaking his head

 

"I know that's ridiculous, I don't even know the guy and he’s straight.. Possibly straight" Harry shrugs

 

"But you can’t help but picture a very Doris Day like scene in your head?" Nick asks and Harry laughs with a nod

 

"Gingham curtains and all" He tells Nick with a grin

 

"Do it, I mean it’s probably not a good idea so if your mum ever asks I told you to definitely not do it - and as long as you know you could get hurt here bud" He tells Harry, his hand over the younger lads

 

"I know... fuck I know" Harry admits, but maybe, just maybe it's worth it.

 

His phone buzzes from his pocket

 

**From Unknown Number: It’s Louis. You should come round tonight. Maybe wear another pretty suit.**

 

It’s definitely worth it.

 

**Dirty Little Secrets - All American rejects**

 

Training was good, Louis was killing it. Gareth Southgate had been down to watch him train a few times and he doesn't like to brag but he was definitely on point, there is no way that Louis wouldn't be picked if he kept this up come March.

 

Liam had been side eyeing him the whole game, he was giving him the look that Louis knew meant he was getting a talking to after the game, only this time it wouldn't be because he was out until 4 last night and smells like stale Jager.

 

"So come on, out with it" Is the first thing Liam says when everyone else has left the changing rooms and Louis can’t help but laugh

 

"What are you on about Li, I was on fire today" He tells him

 

"I know, I saw you. Best I’ve seen you for a while" Liam admits "I also notice you are happier than I’ve seen you for a while and don't for a second think I didn't notice the bruises on your hip..." Louis blushes slightly "Louis Tomlinson are you... are you blushing?" Liam says with a smirk getting closer to Louis

 

"No, no I am not... I fell, hence the bruising and I’m happy so you should be happy" He points out but Liam is still grinning

 

"Is it Harry?? Fuck please say it is?" Liam says, he pretends he hates gossip. Clearly a lie.

 

"Liam, you can’t say anything!" Louis warns

 

"Fucking knew it!!" Liam says laughing, Louis gets closer to him, hand on his chest "Woah, mate I promise, not a word to anyone!" He is still grinning and Louis can’t help but roll his eyes.

 

It started when Louis text Harry, he hadn't replied and Louis thought that would be it. Until he turned up at his house later that night wearing an incredible light blue suit with pink and sliver embroidered into it, he stood at the door staring for a second, Harry smirked at him before pushing past him into his house. He didn't really think past inviting Harry round so as he closed the door he really thought it was going to be awkward, but Harry was anything but awkward he found his way to Louis kitchen and Louis loved that he was just comfortable enough to do that. Harry had stayed until about 3am and then snuck out.

 

It became a regular thing pretty quickly, always with one of them sneaking out in the early hours.

 

"You better not, honestly Josh would kill me" Louis says, he hates saying that out loud

 

"Not a word I swear, but what does it have to do with Josh? You like Harry right? That much is clear..." Louis hadn't thought about it like that "you seeing him today?" Liam asks, gossip queen.

 

"Yeah, actually!" Louis loves that he can finally say that "he's coming round tonight"

 

"Can I come? Please I want to meet him again!" Liam says and Louis rolls his eyes again

 

"Liam, you are not coming round to a fucking booty call" Now it’s Liam’s turn to roll his eyes

 

"This is not a booty call, don't kid yourself mate! Fine, I won’t come round, but I was details tomorrow!" Louis laughs but he nods, it might be nice to tell someone.

 

　

There is a knock at his door, its half 9 and he knows exactly who it is. His stomach does flips as he opens it and Harry pushes himself in, closing the door behind him with his foot as he brings Louis lips to his, one of them moans as their fingers twist into the others hair, their mouths are moulded together so they aren't even sure which one of them it is.

 

Harry pushes him back towards the stairs, pushing him down onto the third step, his arm around his waist, supporting him as he lays him back. His lips move along his jaw and down to his neck, teeth dragging slightly across the skin to then be met with soft lips

 

"want you here," He tells Louis, his heart pounding in his chest "want to get my mouth on you," Harry tells him, his breathe all over the place "been thinking about it all day, fuck you’re so hot" He moans as he brings their lips back together

 

"You can put that mouth anywhere you like... but like sometime soon before I explode over here" Louis says as he feels himself get a little harder

 

Harry presses his hips down against his own and he can’t help but moan as he pushes up, grinding against him

 

"Fuck you’re so hard already" Harry says into Louis mouth with a smile

 

"Haven’t stopped thinking about you all day" Louis admits and harry undoes his jeans "fuck hurry up" Louis says and Harry laughs

 

"Well what sort of dickhead wears jeans this tight if they’re wanting their dick sucked?" Harry says with a smile that makes louis heart race

 

"Just..." Louis helps him wiggle them down "Come onnnn" he whines and Harry smirks

 

"Maybe I won’t now, maybe I’ll leave you here all hard and moan-y" he grins and Louis throws his head back with a whine

 

"Harry, please" he says

 

"Fuck, love it when you beg" Harry tells him as he pulls his boxers down in one swift motion, his dick hard and springing back against him

 

He wastes no time bringing his mouth down onto Louis, lips wrapping them softly around the tip of him, pre-cum coating his top lip as he moves one hand up to his chest. Louis head rest back on the stair behind him as his fingers move into Harry’s hair, twisting around the long curls as he swallows him down.

 

"Fuck I forget how good you are at that" Louis winces as he hits the back of Harry’s throat, he looks up at him from under his lashes, eyes half closed "oh Jesus Christ I wish you could see yourself right now" he moans, his grip on his hair tightening

 

Harry reaches into his back pocket, mouth still around Louis

 

"Are you trying to multitask with my dick in your mouth?" Louis asks with a grin

 

Harry doesn’t say anything, just takes him to the back of his throat, gagging on him ever so slightly as he throws his phone at him

 

"Are you serious?" Louis asks with an eyebrow raised as harry takes his balls in his hand "fuck look at me" Louis voice is low, practically a whisper at this point

 

He opens up Harry’s camera, hands shaking as he does. This is definitely not a good idea

 

"Fuck you look so, fuccckkk.." he bites his lips as he snaps a picture, moving one hand back to his head "so pretty, with such a dirty mouth" he says making Harry moan around him, sending vibrations right through him "holy fuck Harry, so fucking close" his fingers tighten into the bunch of curls note on the top of his head

 

Harry moans around Louis as he takes him deeper, the phone now dropped at his side as he lifts his hips ever so slightly, causing a moan that’s so filthy he thinks he might die to fall from Harry’s lips and that’s all it takes

 

"Fuck oh my- fuck" Louis whispers as his body slowly comes down

 

Harry pulls off him, slumping himself down between Louis legs, his head on his thigh as Louis plays with his hair

 

"You’re ... fuck, you are so.." Louis says and Harry laughs

 

"Want to finish that sentence or nah?" Harry says and Louis pulls his hair a little

 

"Not funny... you really like that eh?" He says when he gets a reaction from him pulling on Harry’s hair

 

"I do, what can I say? I like a bit of rough... come on," he says getting him up and offering Louis is hand "get up before your muscles seize up! You can take me to bed" he says with a smile

 

"That, I can definitely do!" He kicks his jeans off properly as he takes his shirt off before lifting Harry’s over his own head, before bringing his lips to his own "can I... ask you something? Like.. Sort of awkward?" Louis asks, luckily his cheeks still flushed from having Harry’s lips round him rather than embarrassment

 

"As long as you walk and talk, come on, chop chop!" He says slapping Louis arse.

 

He talks in front of Harry, his arms draped over his shoulders with his lips attached to Louis neck

 

"What did you wana ask?" Harry asks when then get to his room, he throws himself back on to the bed

 

"Can you like... show me?" He says, as harry slides off his own jeans

 

"Show you what? My cock?" He asks confused "you’ve seen my cock" he laughs

 

"No... I... it doesn’t matter, ignore me" Louis says with a laugh, moving himself closer to Harry

 

He puts both his hands against Louis chest pushing him back a little "no, come on, tell me" he smiles softly at him and Louis heart skips a beat

 

"No I feel stupid" Louis admits, he doesn’t know why

 

"Louis," he lifts his fingers up to his chin bringing their eyes level "I’m sat here with my cock out, hard as fuck - just from sucking you off, and _you_ feel stupid?" He looks so good. His voice a little hoarse and his lips a wonderful shade of red. Louis has never seen anything so beautiful

 

"Ok don’t laugh," He says and Harry nods with a smile "I've not exactly been with loads of guys... and I've never like, I've never done what you’ve just done" he says and Harry nods once more

 

"Never sucked someone off?" He asks to double check

 

"Yes... I've wanked someone off like and done other stuff but, oh god I feel like a teenager, fuck sake! I just... wana show me? Like I can’t promise you I won’t be awful and all toothy, but maybe I could..." he points at Harry’s crotch

 

"You wana get your mouth around me?" Harry ask, eyebrow raised

 

"If you want? Like I can’t promise it won’t be-" He is cut off by Harry’s lips on his

 

"Stop talking and get to it" he laughs as he runs his hand over his cheek

 

"Hey..." Harry says, hands either side of his face "that is if you want to? You know you don’t have to right? That’s not why.. I would have done that anyway either way"

 

Louis smiles at him. Hot and considerate. Who even is he?

 

"You’re joking right? I’ve wanted to for so long but like I said... I’ve never actually" he nods towards Harry’s cock

 

"We can go slow? You can do what you think I'd like? And I’ll tell you what I do like?" Harry asks, Louis should feel like he should feel ridiculous doing this but somehow, somehow Harry makes him feel perfectly normal.

 

Harry sits on the edge of Louis bed, leaning back on his hands as Louis drops to his knees in front of him he looks up at Harry as he takes him in his hands.

 

**Say Yes - Floetry**

 

The second Louis lips touch him Harry throws his head back and lets out a harsh moan

 

"Oh fuck Lou" he moans

 

He’s had Louis hands on him, they have come together more than enough times, but having his mouth on him does something to Harry. He doesn’t know if it’s because he knows he’s never done it with anyone else or what.

 

He looks down and his heart suddenly feels like it’s in his throat, he can’t breathe as the light blue eyes look up at him under a fan of long lashes, he rolls his tongue over the tip of harry and he already knows he isn’t going to last long

 

"Fuck you’re so beautiful.. so fucking.. fuck so good" he runs his fingers through Louis fringe, brushing it off his face

 

"This ok?" Louis asks sliding Harry off his tongue

 

"Ok? Fucking perfect" Harry says as he runs his thumb over Louis bottom lip

 

He pushes Harry’s thighs a little wider moving a little closer as he brings his tongue under the full length of him as he flicks his thumb over the tip of him.

He moves his mouth to Harry’s balls, using his tongue before sliding his lips over him

 

"Oh shi-shiiitt Louis fuck" Harry says between moans, "I’m not gona... fuck I’m so close"

 

Louis takes that as an invitation to take Harry back into his mouth. He watched Louis as he tries to take as much of him as he can, the look of his face pushes Harry to the edge

 

"I’m gona.. Shit gona come, you might wana... fuck Louis" but Louis doesn’t pull off, he just looks up at Harry, sliding his hand up his stomach as Harry comes into his mouth.

 

His hands in his own hair as he tries his hardest not to thrust up into his mouth.

 

He takes every bit of him as Harry lays back on the bed making grabby hands towards Louis

 

"Up here please" He says pulling him next to him on the bed "and here’s me thinking it was your feet that held all your talent" he pushes the fringe that’s fallen back on to his face, out of his eyes as Louis tucks himself next to him

 

"Was that ok for you?" Louis asks and it’s the first time Harry has seen him like this, shy and soft

 

"You’re joking right? I didn’t last 5 minutes babe" Harry says with a laugh "I honestly can’t believe you’ve never done that before, I have zero complaints for you! Zero. You have the mouth of some sort of ethereal being" he kisses the top of his head

 

"This is weird" Louis says with a laugh

 

"How so?" Harry asks, running his fingers down Louis arms

 

"I just... in the morning, I'll pull on my boots and be a different person than I am right now" He laughs again, Harry just looks at him confused

 

"What do you mean?" He asks

 

"Well they don't know this me ya know? I’m Tommo to them, not this Louis" Harry shifts next to him slightly

 

"Yeah but you could be you, both versions of you are the real you" Harry says and Louis shakes his head

 

"No I can’t, trust me, this version of me will never see the light of day, that's ok though" He shrugs, it’s not ok. Not really, he doesn't tell Harry this though, doesn't tell him how shit thinking about that is.

 

He hums next to him, not really saying anything. He just smiles as Louis lies back onto his pillow, letting his eyes close as Harry continues to stroke his arm. He hates that when he wakes up Harry will be gone.

 

It’s probably for the best.

 

**Secret - Maroon 5**

 

Harry watches Louis sleep, soft snores falling from his mouth, he catches a glimpse of the clock. It’s half 5. He has to leave, he knows he does. So why can’t he drag himself out of the bed

 

"Lou.." he whispers into his ear "hey, Louis.." He nudges him

 

"What, what time is it..?" He asks Harry

 

"Half 5, you’re adorable when you just wake up" He says, no smile anywhere on his face. He needs to leave "I have to go" he says

 

"Ok.. Want me to drive you?" Louis asks and Harry shakes his head

 

"No, I parked my car not too far, I'll be fine... I just... I don't know, I shouldn't have woken you" Harry says, eyebrows knitted together, Louis smiles

 

"It's fine, don't mind being woken up by that face.. umph-" he is cut off with Harry lips on his, its slow and soft, he runs his hand down Louis thigh bringing it up over his own

 

"Good morning to you too.." Louis says with a smirk

 

"Shh.. don't talk" Harry says and now Louis is confused.

 

Harry brings their lips together again, it doesn't take long to feel Louis harden under him.

 

"Just... I just," Harry looks down at Louis mouth wet and warm, he slides his hand into his pants, Louis moaning as he wraps his fingers around him

 

"Just want to watch you come undone for me Lou... just one more time" he kisses along his jaw as he tightens his grips, Louis hard under his fingers moaning so softly for Harry in the dark

 

He sucks a small mark just below his ear making him gasp as he wraps his leg a little tighter around Harry.

 

He watches as his face contorts as he flicks his thumb over the top of him, he opens and closes his mouth as if he’s about to say something, he never does.

 

"Come for me Louis, show me how beautiful you are when you come for me" his voice is low against Louis ear, he drags his hand over him once more pumping him a little faster, his moans follow suit

 

"Harry.." he breathes as harry brings their foreheads together "gona.. fuck gona.." he kisses Louis to stop him talking

 

He feels Louis moan into his mouth as he spills over Harry’s hand. He lies with him, his thigh still wrapped over his own, their foreheads together

 

"I have to go" Harry says as Louis falls back into his pillow "I really have to go" he stands up, looking around for his socks

 

"You wana come round tonight?!" Louis asks. And he does, he really does

 

"Sure, I will text you later" Harry lies. Louis will text him later and he will ignore it.

 

He has to.

 

This has to be goodbye.

 

He clutches his steering wheel as he does his best to concentrate on the road. He can't help it though; the tears start as he turns onto his drive. He sits at his wheel and lets them fall. He drags himself into the house, throwing his keys into the bowl. He needs a drink, it might only be 7am but he needs a drink.

  
**Almost Lover – A Fine Frenzy**

 

They hadn't spoken since Harry had left a week ago. Louis text him, he didn’t reply. Louis hated that he missed him. He hadn't known him long enough to miss him.

He tries once more

 

To Harry: I want to talk to you.

 

He misses him. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt like this. He tried to ignore the way his heart would beat a little harder when he thought about him or how his stomach felt sort of fizzy at the same time. He has never felt so exposed. He doesn’t put himself out there for people like this.

 

He had told Liam everything, had spent all morning with a smile so big it was practically blinding, but he didn’t care, he was happy. Liam sat and listened like a proud parent, Louis didn’t do this often and if he did he sure as shit didn’t tell anyone about it.

 

Maybe he got it wrong, maybe Harry just wanted a one-time thing, and maybe he wasn’t good enough for him. Let’s face it, Harry is an openly gay man, he can have who he wants, when he wants. Why would he want to spend his time with Louis hiding from the world?

 

What did Louis even want from him?

 

His phone buzzes in his hand, his heart sinks when he sees Josh's name rather than Harry's

 

"Hey," Louis says into the phone "not really a good time mate" he lies

 

"Ok I'll be quick, have been speaking to OK! Magazine, they want to do an article on you, come round to the house, take pictures of you in your own space – get to know the real you, that sort of thing" Josh says and Louis sighs. He hates these sorts of things. Why can’t he just play football?? Josh had told him more than once that he was now a brand rather than just a footballer.

 

He hated that too.

 

"Fine, yeah whatever, set it up" He says with a sigh

 

"Could sound a little more enthusiastic mate" he laughs

 

"Sorry, my heads not really with it told, just... doesn’t matter, it’s just stuff" he tells him

 

"Ok, well I was thinking we get El back in for this? You've had her around before, you get on right and th-" Louis freezes

 

"What do you mean get El in? Why are we getting El in?" He snaps and Josh laughs

 

"I may have promised them an exclusive, it will be fine Lou! We can get someone new if you like?" Louis pinched the bridge of his nose

 

"I am not doing this with some fake girlfriend Josh, I don’t care what you promised them but I’m not doing it, not a chance, not this time" he almost laughs, and he would if he wasn’t so annoyed.

 

"Is this still about Harry?" Josh asks

 

"What are you on about? When has anything ever been about Harry?" He asks.

 

The thing is, since he met Harry, everything has been about him. He hates that.

 

Only he really doesn’t.

 

"I’m just saying, he has been at a lot of events recently, it’s a bit weird" Louis rolls his eyes

 

"How is it weird? He is promoting and album, he’s allowed to be there. It's not about Harry" Louis lies.

 

"Good, you need to be careful, there are pictures of you two together at events, rumours are starting Louis" Louis didn’t know that

 

"Then stop them, that’s what you do! And by stop them I don’t mean tell the world I have a girlfriend in some second-rate magazine that nobody reads anymore" Louis never did get why footballers were obsessed with OK! It stopped being worth a read after the David and Victoria Beckham wedding issue.

 

Josh sighs loudly like he’s pissed off with Louis. HE'S pissed off with LOUIS.

 

The nerve.

 

"Fine, I’ll try but I can't promise anything" he says before hanging up.

 

Louis throws himself down onto the large sofa behind him. He lies back, letting himself relax into it. He thinks about El and why she would do what she does. Why she has happily offered to help Louis on a number of occasions, he knows that her being seen with him is good for her career, but surely it’s not worth it? Surely she could actually get someone, even a footballer that she could actually date. Maybe she knows, knows that deep down Louis is gay.

 

Even if he’s never said it out loud. Liam knew.

 

"Liam, I'm..." He paused looking up at Liam and he smiled

"I know mate, its fine" Liam said

 

And that had been it. He never brought it up or made Louis feel weird. He just knew.

He takes his phone and goes online to try and find these pictures that Josh had been talking about.

 

There are so many of them, none of them look like pictures of two guys that have just bumped into each other at an event. In every single one of them, either Louis is looking at Harry like he is the only person in the room of Harry is looking at Louis like the sun shines out of his arse.

 

There is a picture of Louis making Harry laugh and he stares at it until the black takes over his phone. Harry is properly laughing, his eyes crinkled at the side, his hand across him stomach and his mouth.. God his mouth.

 

He has to stop looking at the pictures. He types both their names in google and there is so many results that come back for them. People really are questioning their friendship.

 

He needs to see him.

 

He jumps in his car and drives to Harry’s he doesn’t even know if he is in, he just needs to be closer to him, to his home.

 

He stands at the door, feet planted firmly on the ground even though every fibre of his being is telling him to run, to leave.

 

He stays.

 

"Oh" Is all Harry says when he opens the door.

 

**Shouldn’t Come Back – Demi Lovato**

 

Louis looks up at Harry, his face looks soft and somehow prettier than Harry remembers

 

"Oh" He says, he feels like he forgot how to talk

 

"Hi... sorry I know I shouldn’t have come, sorry" He gives harry an apologetic smile

 

"No its fine, I guess... come in?" He asks, although he isn’t sure it’s a good idea.

 

Harry looks down at himself. He wasn’t expecting visitors today. He is wearing short yellow shorts, like really short and a really old t-shirt from his very first lot of mech.

 

"Nice look, isn’t it a little cold for those shorts?" Louis asks as he steps into the house "or not, fuck me it’s warm in here" he takes his jacket off like he's staying

"Do you want a drink or anything?" Harry asks

 

"No, I probably shouldn’t stay long - I have a few meetings this afternoon, I just wanted to see you and you didn’t reply to my texts and I guess that’s because you didn’t want to talk to me so I should have probably took the hint, but hey, here I am anyway!" Louis says, cheeks a little flushed as he rambles.

 

Harry doesn’t know what to say. He watches Louis move from one foot to the other uncomfortably. He hates himself for making him feel uncomfortable, he forgets this is just as new to him, if not newer than it is for Harry.

 

He still doesn’t say anything. Instead he moves closer to Louis, wrapping his arms round him and pulling him into his chest.

 

He feels Louis freeze next to him before relaxing into the hug

 

"I’m sorry" Harry mumbles into his hair "I just.." He pulls Louis out a little so they look at each other, "I just panicked, I forget how little everyone knows about you and I’m shit at lying Louis so if someone asks me about you I can’t help that my face lights up or that I smile when I talk about you and that... that’s going to make it really had to carry on whatever this is" Harry admits and Louis nods

 

"Your face does light up when you talk about me to be fair, not that I blame you, I am great" he says with a grin

 

"I’m not asking you for anything Harry.. I just, thought we were having fun" Louis says and

 

Harry wants to tell him he's wrong. It can’t be fun if he’s constantly hiding who he is.

He doesn’t say that though.

 

He just kisses him.

 

Harry is torn between not wanting to hide and not wanting to lose whatever this is he is feeling in his chest for Louis.

 

He has done hiding, he hid his sexuality for so long that he doesn’t want to go back there, doesn’t want to have to hide again, and it’s not fair on him.

 

"If I say I’m going to text you later, will you promise to reply?" Louis asks and Harry is going to say yes, Louis could ask anything of him in this moment and he pretty sure he would say yes.

 

"Yeah, I promise... just think about, this, all of this Louis" Harry doesn’t even know what his words mean. But Louis nods anyway.

 

"I really have to go. Meeting is with a bunch of people I really can’t afford to keep waiting" Louis says with a soft smile.

 

Harry nods, walking him a few steps back to the door, their fingers laced between one another.

 

He kisses Louis once softly on the lips before he opens the door, letting the outside slowly back in as Louis shouts goodbye and calls him mate.

 

Fucking mate.

 

He watches him climb into the car, trying and failing a few times to start it. Harry walks over, the cold nipping at him, he suddenly wishes he was wearing more than shorts and t-shirt

 

"What’s up?" Harry asks and Louis shrugs

 

"Do you know anything about cars?" He asks Harry

 

" 'fraid not love, these hands don’t do much but play the guitar and the occasional piano" he says holding his hands up with a smile

 

　

"You play piano?" Louis asks and Harry smiles down at his feet

 

"Not really the time for that is it?" He laughs "can you get Liam to pick you up? Call a garage to come and pick this up? I know a guy who will have it back to you by the end of the day, no questions asked" Harry knows that Louis first concern would be the fact that the car was being picked up from Harry’s

 

"Thank you" He mumbles as he presses his phone.

 

Neither of them saying anything as he holds it to his ear. Harry wraps his hands across his chest. It’s cold, it feels like it’s cold enough to snow. He definitely needs to pull his big coat out.

 

"He’s not answering" Louis sighs

 

"I can take you?" Harry offers and Louis shakes his head

 

"Probably not a good idea, I will call Josh" So he does, he walks off a little up Harry's drive, Harry can’t hear what he is saying but his eyebrows are knitted together. He slides his phone in his back pocket and he walks back to Harry

 

"Luckily he's round the corner, will be here in like 5 minutes" He tells Harry

 

"Luckily" he repeats with a nod

 

"You don’t have to wait here, it's fine" Louis says and Harry shakes his head

 

"I know I don’t have to, I don’t mind" he tells him with a small smile

 

"So what’s the meeting for?" Harry asks and Louis' face lights up. He looks so wonderful with a smile on his face

 

"It’s not really something I can talk about at the minute but it could be so good" Louis says and Harry grins

 

"Are you going in 'I'm a Celeb'? Please say you are" he laughs and Louis joins in

 

"Fuck no, I’d be shit at that and before you say anything you’d be even worse than me" they are joking and laughing and its easy.

 

It’s easy for them.

 

"You are kidding right? I'd be fucking amazing and you know it, so fuck off" harry says pushing his shoulder as the car drives onto his drive "watch out, here’s the cavalry" He says

 

Josh climbs out of the car, face like thunder. The look he gives Harry as he looks him up and down is enough to kill.

 

"Are you sure this is ok Josh?" Louis asks as he throws his keys at Louis

 

"yeah, I’m only going home, I can get a taxi, just drop it back off tonight when you’re done" He says, no note of any type of emotion on his face

 

"Thanks, you are a life saver, right" he says turning towards both Harry and Josh "really have to go, I'll see you both Later... thanks again Josh" he climbs into Josh car, waving once before he goes.

 

Harry turns to walk back into the house. He needs a million more layers, his nipples are so hard right now they could cut glass.

 

"Didn’t I tell you he was straight?" Josh shouts as Harry gets to his door. He rolls his eyes; he really doesn’t have the time for his

 

"I didn’t realise coming to see your mate was gay, but he came here, so maybe you should be telling him that?" Harry says not turning round

 

"Oi fag, look at me when I’m talking to you" and Harry turns round, face unreadable

 

"What the fuck did you say?" He asks, suddenly he doesn’t feel so cold

 

"Stay away from Louis; he doesn’t want people thinking that he's gay. Doesn't need you forcing him into anything either," Josh moves a little closer to Harry.

He stands with his chest slightly pushed out, shoulders back. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He doesn’t do confrontation.

 

Especially not in bright yellow shorts.

 

"Forcing him? You think I forced him to come here? Made him climb into his car and drive here?" Harry asks

 

"People like you make me sick, it’s not right ya know, not natural. Men shouldn’t be with men. That’s not the way it works" He spits and Harry laughs

 

"You’d be surprised, it works for many people" he says "I bet you’re the sort of guy to wank over lesbian porn but you have an issue with gay guys right?" He makes a point of laughing over the top

 

"You don’t know anything about me, or Louis for that matter. Stop trying to force him into something he doesn’t want," His eyes look crazy and Harry can’t really breathe "I could end your carer overnight, maybe remember that when next try and sleep with Louis" He says before turning away from Harry

 

"I haven’t just tried to sleep with him" harry shouts as Josh moves down his drive "I did sleep with him" he shouts before he slams the door shut.

 

He slides down to the floor against the closed door. His frozen body slowly thawing out as he cries. He tries to steady his breathing but he can’t stop the sobs from coming out erratically or broken.

 

His head is between his hands, nobody has the right to speak to someone like that. He knows that, yet somehow he feels like it’s his fault. Like he did something wrong.

 

Zayn rings him a few times that day, he tells him he's busy and just needs to be alone. He doesn’t push it any further, he just leaves him to it. Harry will ask for help when he needs it.

As he climbs into bed that night, still feeling like he’s on edge, his phone lights up with Louis face on it.

 

"Hello" he mumbles into the speaker

 

"Hey.. Sorry was you sleeping?" Louis asks

 

"Yes" Harry lies

 

"Sorry, I didn’t think.. I'll let you get back to sleep" Louis says

 

"Maybe don’t message me again" Harry says, voice low and calm

 

"What? Why? I thought we sorted this?" Louis says

 

"We did... maybe you should speak to your manager" harry says before hanging up.

 

He turns his phone off, sliding it under his pillow.

 

He spends the following day in bed, trying and failing not to think about Louis.

 

It’s about half 5 in the evening when he finally pulls himself out of bed.

 

He pours himself a large whiskey, swilling it round in the glass for a second before launching at the wall watching it as it shatters into a million pieces. He was angry. He didn't get like this, he could let things go over his head normally, but there was something about Louis. Something that got him so wound up he wanted to scream.

 

Like he really wanted him. It's been a while since Harry felt like that about anyone.

 

He wanted him.

 

He _needed_ him.

 

He couldn't have him, Josh made sure he knew that.

 

　

**To Zayn: Hey man, you busy could really do with a catch up. Drink? H x**

 

　

**Fallingforyou – The 1975**

 

He presses send and goes to get dressed, he needs to shower too. He will clean the glass up later.

 

He picks a pub nearby that he knows will be empty or the people in there won't care who he is. It's the sort of pub that still smells like smoke, no matter how long the smoking ban has been on for.

 

He was on his 3rd drink when Zayn walked in, harry would never get over how good looking Zayn was. He was a model these days, cheekbones for days. He remembers when he was just a skinny lad, he didn’t look much of anything until he hit 18. That’s when he came into his own. There was a time Harry wish he had been attracted to him, sure he could see he was good looking, he never felt anything but a brotherly love for Zayn though. He wishes he did, that would be a decent relationship, Zayn knows everything about him already, there wouldn’t be any surprises.

 

"Jesus H, what did you do this time?" Zayn asks when he sits down next to him

 

"Didn’t do anything, why do you always assume I've done something?" Harry asks handing him the drink he bought him

 

"Because this is what we do, you break some poor sods heart and feel bad about it, I get you drunk and tell you it was probably for the best anyway" Zayn says with a smile that Harry doesn’t return

 

He just finishes his drink and avoids eye contact

 

"So, if you didn’t do anything that means... someone broke your heart?" He asks Harry confused

 

He shakes his head, then slowly nods, followed by another quick shake and a shrug

 

"Who is it?" Zayn asks "Wait, it’s not that footballer guy is it? I've seen a fair bit about you two I didn’t realise you were together!" Zayn tells him in a whisper looking round, making sure nobody is listening.

 

"We aren’t, he’s straight" Harry says

 

"Oh... right, that’s... fuck man that’s shit. Was it the same old?" He asks Harry, he’s been there, in this business there are so many men so far closeted that they are basically in Narnia

"No, that’s the strange thing" he tells Zayn looking at him for the first time "like after we’ve been together, there’s no hate or anything like that! He still speaks to me the same, stays aground the house and doesn’t rush out" Harry shrugs and Zayn feels more confused than before

 

"So what’s the problem?" He asks

 

"There is always something in the media about how straight he is right after, a date with a girl or a fucking interview" Harry sighs "I didn’t care Zayn, honestly I didn’t, but..."

 

"But then you did?" Zayn asks and Harry nods

 

"Come on," Zayn tells him, "you need more drink"

 

He tells Zayn about Josh. His eyes widen as he promises to end him. Harry rolls his eyes, this is why he hasn’t told Niall yet. At least Zayn has some restraint.

 

Zayn sits with harry, always two drinks behind so he can keep an eye on him until the pub closes. He helps him get home and to bed. He knows that harry would do it for him in a heartbeat. That’s what friends do, they stick around and help out whenever they are needed, especially if they're having boy trouble.

 

It was weird for Zayn though, it was usually Harry looking after him. He had a habit of going after either straight guys or married men. Harry would never judge, just be there when he was needed.

 

His phone buzzes on the night stand as Zayn puts the mop bucket next to his bed, just in case. Louis name flashes on the front of the phone, he knows he shouldn’t answer but can’t help it

 

"Hello?" He says

 

"Harry?" Louis asks, confused

 

"Nah this is Zayn, Harry’s asleep, can I help you?" There is silence

 

"No.. no, it’s fine" and he hangs up.

 

Zayn stayed the night, the last thing he needed was Harry waking up with a hangover and feeling like shit while he is on his own.

 

He snuck out first thing and picked up some breakfast. He knows that Harry will tell him that he can’t eat when he first wakes up, while he has a mouthful of food. While he sleeps Zayn sits next to him, scrolling through his phone trying to find all he can about Louis Tomlinson.

 

He learns he is from a big family, mum passed away last year, he does a lot for charity. He seems like a pretty wonderful guy, his manager on the other hand. Zayn finds lots of articles in relation to sexual harassment, he’s never directly named, but his company is and from what he can see they are doing their best to cover it up. If he has anything about him, he would cut ties with him as soon as he can.

 

"Morning, you still doing here?" Harry asks Zayn through half closed eyes

 

"Couldn’t leave sleeping beauty alone, there is breakfast in the kitchen for you when you want it" He smiles at Harry, it’s a pity smile, they both know that, Harry doesn’t care though.

 

"Did you take my jeans off?" Harry asks as he walks to the kitchen in just his boxers

 

"Yeah, you kept telling me how sad you felt that I’d seen you out of your jeans more than anyone else this year, it was pretty funny" Zayn laughs and Harry pouts

 

"I’m a tragic mess aren’t I?" He asks as he bites into the sandwich while Zayn just nods

 

"Wana do something today?" Harry knows Zayn already has plans, he had told him about them earlier in the week

 

"I actually have a meeting, not until like 11, you get yourself off mate" Harry smiles, he would actually love nothing more than sitting snuggled with Zayn all day watching shit telly

 

"Are you sure?" Zayn asks

 

"Yes pal, I’ll be fine honestly! Thank you for last night, and this" He holds up the food

 

"Alright well come here," He pulls Harry in for a hug "for what it’s worth bro Louis seems alright, his manager is the one who seems like the cunt, maybe try talking to him?" Zayn normally keeps himself out of other people’s business, unless he is asked about something he tends to keep his opinions to himself

 

"I don’t know, I mean sure he’s great but I think maybe it’s a mess I don’t need to be part of" Harry shrugs like it’s nothing, they both know differently.

 

When Zayn leaves he put on When Harry Met Sally and doesn’t move from his couch all day.

 

It’s about 8pm when his phone buzzes. It’s Louis.

 

**From Louis: Doesn’t seem your type.**

 

There is a picture of Zayn leaving Harry’s from this morning attached. He rolls his eyes.

 

**To Louis: You don’t have a clue what my type is.**

 

**From Louis: Me.**

 

Harry throws his phone over to the other side of the sofa. He hates that he’s right. Everything about his is Harry’s type, his eyes, his tattoos, the way he dresses, his smile, those fucking thighs. Louis knows how fit he is, but not in an arrogant way.

 

His phone buzzes. He ignores it.

 

It buzzes again.

 

He picks it up, watching it ring in his hand

 

"What do you want?" He snaps as he answers the phone

 

"Someone’s touchy," Louis says with a chuckle "you’d think having some guy in your bed would leave you less tightly strung"

 

"I’ll ask you again, what do you want?" He doesn’t have the time for this

 

"You" There is a silence

 

"I’m not available I’m afraid, is there anything else I can do for you" He says and Louis sighs

 

"Harry come on, tell me that I’m wrong? That I read you wrong? Tell me you don’t want me" Louis says, his voice is low. Harry can’t even begin to explain what it is doing to him

 

"You are right, I did. I really fucking did" He breathes "then I realised what type of people you and your manager are and I realised I had never been less turned on"

 

"You need to believe me when I say I didn’t know what type of person Josh is" Louis says

 

"Sure, I mean I only needed to google his name to see a million different articles about how much of a cunt he is" Harry tells him "You telling me that you got into a long term contact with someone without even checking him out first?"

 

"Harry, I signed with him about a year ago, it wasn't exactly something I put a lot of thought into, at the time I was thinking about my family and he was promising me all this shit, I needed to prove to my mum before.." Louis sighs "before she went that I was fine, that we would all be fine. Josh was there and yeah in hindsight I could have googled him, got my lawyer to look into him" He says, Harry didn’t know that’s why he signed with him, he has to admit, he feels a bit of a cunt

 

"I’m not like you harry, I don't have friends who also double up as managers, apart from Liam and a few guys back home I don't let people in, I keep them away. For exactly this reason. If nobody is close enough to care, they can’t be disappointed" Harry picks at the arm of his sofa

 

"You could have told me that" Harry says

"I could, but you know me, I like to make thinks difficult for everyone involved - - "there is a few moments of silence "what did Josh actually say to you?" So Louis doesn’t even know how colourful his managers language actually is, ironic.

 

"Nothing, it doesn’t matter... Louis, I have to go - I go away in the morning, few last minute gigs and some press stuff" Niall had arranged it for him. His mum wasn’t happy. He had promised her he would relax, this was far from relaxing

 

"What? Since when?" Louis asks

 

"Since about half 7 yesterday, Niall sorted it for me" He says, Niall had really not wanted to do it he had spent so much time trying to talk him out of it, he had told him they could double up on album promo. " _It will be worth it"_ He had told them

 

"How long for?" Louis asks, voice low

 

"10days" Harry says and Louis lets out a long sigh

 

"Ok well.. I guess... good luck Harry" He says and with that he hangs up.

 

**If I Could Fly – One Direction**

 

On the 3rd day of him being away Louis scrolled through Twitter for the first time, he had been avoiding it as long as he could. There were so many pictures and videos from his gigs and he just couldn’t.

 

Harry Styles will be performing on The Late Late show with James Cordon this evening…

 

Louis sighs as he closes his phone, he really doesn’t want to hear him singing. Although he really, really does. He’s missed it, missed hearing him sing even if he didn’t realise he was doing it.

 

Training was fine, not his best, not his worst. Everyone had been talking about Christmas, getting excited and talking about what they have bought their family. Louis ignores the conversation. The last thing he wants to think about is Christmas. He had made plans in his head, him at Harry at the Christmas Markets, dinking hot chocolate and talking about their favourite Christmas songs, it doesn’t matter that this probably would have never happened anyway. He can dream.

 

"Hey man, you alright?" Liam asks before Louis has chance to sneak out

 

"Yeah, just tired" He smiles, its fake and Liam can tell that

 

"How about I come round? Have a few drinks, play some Fifa?" Liam asks and Louis just nods

 

He could really do with that, he hasn’t spent time with Liam in so long. He doesn’t even know what’s going on in his life at the moment.

 

"So he just decided to go on tour?" Liam asked after Louis had explained what had happened "Without even telling you what Josh said?"

 

Louis nodded as he switched off the PlayStation. He had let Liam beat him over 3 games and he had had enough.

 

"Yeah, he said it was a last-minute thing" Louis shrugs "I haven’t spoken to Josh, I don’t even know where to start, I saw all that shit about him online that Li – I dread to think about what he said to Harry"

 

Liam had never liked Josh. He didn’t really say much though. Louis is one of those people, if you tell him you don’t like something or someone, he will do all he can to keep them around.

 

"Want me to try and speak to Harry?" Liam asks and Louis looks at him

 

"And say what?" Louis asks

 

"I don’t know, I’ll make up some shit about lessons and then… I don’t know, I can try?" Louis sighs, it’s a bad idea, and he knows it is.

 

He nods his head.

 

Liam takes his phone out and walks out of the room. He does all he can not to listen in. He scrolls through Twitter on his laptop while Liam is out of the room, everyone is talking about his Late Late performance, wondering what he is going to wear or what he is going to sing.

 

Someone says it’s about to start soon, which means that Liam isn’t going to be able to speak to him if that’s the case.

 

Liam comes back in 10minutes later; Louis has a live stream open in front of him. He can’t help it.

 

"Obviously Harry didn’t answer" Liam says pointing at the screen "Niall did though, do you know a Niall?" Liam asks and Louis nods

 

"What did he say?" Liam sighs

 

"It's bad mate, imagine every homophobic thing you can think of? Josh pretty much said that to him, said that he had forced you into something you didn’t want"

 

"Are you fucking serious?" Louis asks and Liam nods

 

"Yeah, Niall really isn’t happy – said he has had to deal with Josh before and if he ever lays his hands on him… well he’s very Irish so his words were a little choice" Liam says

 

As mad as he is at Josh, he is glad that he has Niall. It’s nice to know he has someone with him who would kill for him.

 

"I need to speak to my lawyer I need out of this contract, Liam I want to strangle him… how the fuck could anyone speak to Harry like that?" He asks and Liam doesn’t answer his eyes just dart to the screen.

 

Harry walks out onto the stage, the sound is off but even if it wasn’t, the noise that Louis makes when he sees him would have still been heard. It would have been heard from outer space.

 

"Where’s his hair gone?? Did you know about this?" Liam asks and Louis shakes his head

 

Harry has cut his hair. His long chocolate curls that Louis loves twisting his fingers into… gone. It’s not that he doesn’t look good, he really fucking does. Louis is just shocked.

 

He is wearing a light pink suit with a black ruffled shirt. He looks like a god. His hair is pushed back into a quiff off his face. He smiles into the camera as he takes his guitar off. Liam reaches over and puts the sound on

 

_"I hope this is ok… I was going to do Sign of The Times, but you lot have heard that enough.. I was wondering if I could try something new?"_

 

Louis stares as Harry sits down at a piano. He didn’t even know he could play the piano until a week a go!

 

 _"If I could fly… I’d be coming right back home to you"_ Louis freezes as the voice fills the room. The screen has Harrys face, eyes closed, mouth open, he’s singing with so much intensity. _"I think I might give up everything just ask me to"_ His voice is soft. He has heard Harry sing like this before, but never for a show, in front of millions _"pay attention I hope that you listen, ‘coz I let my guard down, right now I’m completely defenceless"_

 

"Fuck" Louis mumbles as he turns the sound up, Liam just stares at him

 

 _"For your eyes only I’ll show you my heart, for when you’re lonely and forget who you are I’m missing half of me, when we are apart, now you know me, for your eyes only"_ Harrys eyes are now open, he looks as if he is about to cry. The camera pans to the crowd, everyone is in silence, stunned at the man’s vocals

 

"Is this about you?" Liam asks and of course it isn’t. It can’t be.

 

"Don’t be stupid, he’s probably back with his ex" Louis tells Liam. Why does his stomach feel as though its doing flips? He doesn’t point out that Harry has never even mentioned an ex.

 

 _"I’ve got scars even though they can't always be seen"_ Ok so now Louis has heard that line. Harry sang it to him a few weeks back, " _and pain gets hard, but now you’re and don’t feel a thing"_

 

Louis thinks back to when harry sat on the floor in front of him, tipsy and smiley "It’s easier with you ya know? You make the hard shit easier to say, to feel _"_ that’s a coincidence right?

 

"pay attention I hope that you listen ‘coz I let my guard down, right now I’m completely defenceless, For your eyes only I’ll show you my heart, for when you’re lonely and forget who you are I’m missing half of me, when we are apart, now you know me, for your eyes only"

 

"You still are going to try and bullshit me? Mate, this is about you" Liam says once more

 

"Doesn’t be ridiculous Liam of course it fucking isn’t" It could be.

 

 _"I feel your hear right at the side of mine"_ His voice breaks ever so slightly _"I feel it, I've been going out of my mind, I feel it, knowing that I’m just wasting time and i…"_ He looks directly into the camera

 

 _"Hope that you don’t run from me"_ Louis takes in sharp breathe

 

" _For your eyes only I’ll show you my heart, for when you’re lonely and forget who you are I’m missing half of me, when we are apart, now you know me, for your eyes only"_

Louis stands up and walks into the kitchen. He needs something strong. If it's about Louis, fuck. If it’s not, then FUCK. Either way he is fucked. He hears Liam behind him, he really doesn’t need his smug attitude right now

 

"That was some song, did you know he had wrote that?" Liam asks and Louis shakes his head without looking at him "Then you are fucked pal" Liam’s hand is on his shoulder

 

"Liam, just don’t ok. You have the wrong end of the stick" He isn’t sure if he is trying to convince himself more or Liam

 

"I’m not saying anything.." Louis knows there is a but coming "but maybe you should talk to him?" Louis nods.

 

And he tries. He really does. He rings him about an hour later and then once more before he goes to sleep. He tries a few times over the next 6 days. Harry never answers.

There is only one thing he can do.

 

**I’ll Sail This Ship Alone – Beautiful South**

 

By the time Harry got through customs and into his car he could think about nothing else apart from his bed.

 

The hour long car ride seemed to take triple the time as he slipped in and out of sleep. He was fucked, he had worked his arse off the past few days with gig after gig on top of album promo. He couldn’t complain though, right? He could have been at home, moping about and feeling sorry for himself.

 

Compared to how he felt this time last year he was in s good place, even if his heart was breaking.

 

Niall had managed to put a "no relationship questions" clause in the media’s contracts so the interviews had just been about the album and not relationships. Which he was grateful for, every time someone tried talking to him about anything to do with them had this pain in his chest and he felt like he was about to break down.

 

He climbed out of the car, dragging his bag behind him. At this point he couldn’t picture even being in his bed, he was so close yet so far away. He throws his keys in the bowl as he lets the door slam behind him.

 

"Fuck me, it’s cold" he mumbles as he shrugs off his coat, fixing the heating dial as he does.

 

The plan, tea, toast, bed. It was a good plan, although he has no milk and no bread. He mentally curses himself for not picking some up. Coffee will have to do.

 

"Hi" the voice says as he flicks the kitchen light on

 

"Fucking hell" Harry practically screams at the boy sat on his kitchen side with a brew cradled in between his hands

 

"Shit sorry, I thought you heard me" Louis says as he jumps down

 

"What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!" Harry asks, voiced still raised, hand clutching at his check

 

"I brought you milk because I guessed you wouldn’t have any and you’d want a brew when you got in" Louis says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world

 

"How did you even - - how did you get in?" Harry asks and Louis shrugs

 

"You can ignore me when I ring but maybe next time take the key from the plant pot, any crazy people could get in" he says with a laugh that they both know is fake as he holds up the key

 

Harry holds out his hand and Louis face drops, he doesn’t really know what he was expecting but it wasn’t harry actually talking the key off him.

 

"Harry..." Louis says and he shakes his head but Louis moves towards him "please" Louis says but Harry shakes his head once more.

It's been too long. Harry ignored him for a reason. He doesn't know how to deal with this, to deal with Louis likes this. He doesn’t blame him for what Josh said. Only he sort of does. In reality it's ridiculous to hold someone else accountable for the actions of someone else, but Josh is so closely linked to Louis he finds it hard not to.

 

Louis doesn’t stop, he brings his hands up to Harry's face, pushing the stay strand of hair out of his face before bringing Harry's lips to his own.

 

 

**Nicest Things -Kate Nash**

 

In the back of his mind, Harry knows he shouldn’t be doing this. He should be pushing him away, making him leave. So why isn’t he? Louis lips are on his, his hands in his hair, soft moans falling into Harry’s mouth as one tongue meets the other. His hands are on Louis chest, all he needs is to just push him away, just one push and break the kiss… But his hands are now on Harrys face, thumb behind his ears as he holds his mouth alongside his

 

"Harry," Louis says as their lips pull apart "None of what Josh said is what I think" His forehead pressed against Harry’s

 

"Don’t" he warns

 

"No, you have to listen to me, I didn’t know what he was like, not really. The subject of my sexuality came up like once and I assumed he was just looking out for me, I’m not straight obviously I’m not" He plants one small kiss on Harry’s lips "My lawyers are currently looking for a way for me to get out of the contract with him, I’m sorry about the way he spoke to you I promise you I had no fucking idea"

 

"It’s fine" Harry shrugs, he goes to turn away from Louis but he catches his arm

 

"It is not ok, oi.. Look at me" So harry does

 

"What do you want Louis? What do you want me to say, I’m not just someone who is going to let you play games with them when you get a little jealous" He doesn’t need to know he and Zayn are just friends, because that’s why he's there. He doesn’t want him to be with someone else and not that he wants him himself.

 

"I’m not playing games, I like you! Honestly and you have no idea how hard it is for me to say that out loud" Louis practically shouts

 

"No, you think that I will be ok to just but your closet fuck. The guy who is fine with you staying hidden as long as you wake up next to him and that’s not me! I deserve better" Harry says

 

"Like that model?" Louis rolls his eyes

 

"That model has a name, but yeah why not like him. He’s funny, charming, gorgeous, and great with his mouth" Harry says, winding him up

 

"Fuck off" Louis says

 

"What? You don’t want to hear about what he did to me?"

 

"Don’t do that Harry, I’m not going to let you try and make me jealous because we both know it will work, I’m jealous of any man that comes even near you! I do not want to use you, I really fucking don’t but don’t in a million years think I’m going to be ok with you being a twat about me not coming out" Louis spits

 

"I wasn.."

 

"Yes you were. Just because you finally found it in you to come out doesn’t mean everyone else has it so easy. My dad hates me for it, the second my team know I'll be treated differently, I get enough abuse from the fans week in week out without giving them more ammunition" Louis sighs "I’m not asking you to be my "closet fuck" or whatever, I was just asking you to understand" His voice sounds so weak and Harry hates it.

 

Of course he understands. He found it hard enough and his family and friends were 100% behind him. He can’t even imagine how it’s been for Louis.

 

"Zayn is just my mate, we grew up together. He’s like my brother" Harry says with a small smile "I wasn’t trying to make you jealous, but then you text me and I knew you was and.. I don’t know" he shrugs and Louis smiles

 

"I don’t know what I want Harry, that’s me being honest with you. I haven’t got a clue and I’m a mess.. But I do like you" Louis tells him.

 

They don’t talk, harry just pulls Louis into him. His arms wrapped tightly round him, his head resting on Harry’s chest.

 

"I’m probably going to regret this…" Harry sighs, Louis looking up at him, those beautiful blue eyes "but, stay?" Louis doesn’t answer he just reaches up and kisses Harry in response.

 

He falls asleep at the side of Louis, all the things he didn’t say playing round in his head. He didn’t tell him how he felt, how he liked him – more than he should.

 

He didn’t tell him just how nice it was to have him round, how he would think about him at stupid times of the day. When he was doing mundane things like shopping, he would pick up fruit and wonder what Louis’ favourite bit of fruit was. He wished that his smile was Louis favourite kind of smile, just like Louis was his. That the way his dressed was Louis favourite kind of style, just like Louis was his.

 

How he wishes that Louis couldn’t figure him out that he would want to spend time trying to. He wishes he wasn’t so obvious with it. He wonders if he has found the beauty spot at the top of Harry’s thigh, he wonders if he secretly loves it because nobody else gets to see it, the same way that Harry loves the triangle of freckles that Louis has on his inner thigh.

 

He wishes that Louis will never forget the look on his face from the night they first met. How he hopes he notice him try and compose himself as Louis was introduced, he hopes he saw the look in his eyes the first time Louis smiled at him.

 

He’s fucked, he said none of that and he probably never will.

Louis isn’t his.

 

And he probably never will be.

 

　

**Secret Smile – Semisonic**

 

Louis doesn’t really remember falling asleep, he doesn’t really remember anything, he feels all fuzzy and warm, and there is an arm around him. He freezes.

He opens one eye slowly, Harry is smiling at him and he feels his heart practically jump out of his chest. His expression must change because Harry stops smiling

 

"Is this… Ok?" He asks slowly. Louis doesn’t answer, he just closes his eyes and snuggles back in.

 

When he wakes up the second time he is in bed alone, he pouts for a moment, rolling onto his back. He smiles, he doesn’t even know what Harry asking him to stay means, he just knows he is happy about it.

 

He can’t explain how he feels about Harry, can’t put into words what happens to him when Harry smiles at him. He’s never felt this way about anyone, regardless of sex.

 

He’s terrified.

 

He climbs out of Harry’s huge bed and stretches, he glances round the room, he never had time to properly check it out, he's usually rushing out.

 

The bed is a huge mahogany sleigh bed with light grey bedding, it even has a grey fluffy blanket thrown across the bottom. The bedside tables either side of the bed both have pictures of Harry with kids on, he’s guessing godchildren, Louis knows his sister doesn’t’ have any kids yet.

There is a little glass bowl on the top of his chest of drawers next to two huge bottles of Tom Ford, there are rings and other bits of jewellery thrown in there, he picks up one ring, twisting it between his fingers. It looks like it would be huge on Louis.

 

"It's rude to snoop" Harry says as he walks in with a tray in his hands as Louis fiddles with his watch

 

"Wasn’t snooping…" He lies "ok I was but just a little", didn’t find your sex draw so you’re fine" Louis says with a wink.

 

 

Harry puts the tray on the bed and Louis smiles.

 

"What's this for?" He moves closer to the bed

 

Harry smiles at him, his heart does that thing. He’s literally only just smiling at him, so why does he feel like he has had the wind taken out of him.

 

Nobody has ever looked at him the way Harry is looking at him right now and he isn’t sure if it’s a good thing or not.

"For you, you were supposed to be still in bed" He suddenly feels like an idiot. Louis might not even want to stay, might want to leave as soon as he can.

 

"You made me breakfast?" He asks

 

"I mean, I was making breakfast for myself so if you don’t want it its fine" Harry says, feeling like he is back tracking a little.

 

"You kidding? Of course I want it, I’m starving, but if Jose asks, I had fruit… not bacon" He tells Harry with a straight face

 

"Fucking Jose, I forget what you do sometimes" Harry laughs

"That’s because I look like a normal person, whereas you, there is no way anyone could ever forget you’re a rock star" He tells Harry with a fond smile

 

"Oh shut up and eat your bacon" Harry switches on the telly as he sits back on the bed.

"I still can’t believe you cut your hair" Louis says

 

"Do you not like it?" Harry asks and Louis shakes his head

 

"I love it, it really suits you, I just... it was a shock" he laughs and harry shrugs

 

"This was always the plan, the hair has been donated to make a wig" He says it like its nothing, like it's something everyone does. Louis heart beats hard against his chest.

 

BBC news plays in the background as they eat, neither of them saying much. It’s nice.

 

"So I saw the performance" Louis says, but something drags their eyes away from each other and back to the telly

 

".. BBC Sports Personality is a little under a month away and the nominations for Sports Personality of the Year have today been announced.."

 

Louis looks up at the screen, Harry looks at Louis

 

_"..Of course we have Lewis Hamilton, he has been on great form recently, who could forget Adam Peaty after the year he has had - yet again he's nominated for the fourth time alongside some greats, Anthony Joshua has made an impact in boxing, bringing it to the forefront of sport once again and his fight with Vladimir Kiltschko has sky rocketed him once more and that shows with his nomination, Louis Tomlinson has had quite the year, he has shown heart and passion as well as skill.."_

 

He doesn’t hear anything else

 

"Oh my god" Louis says

 

"Wow… that’s fucking brilliant, well done" Harry says, a huge grin covers his face as Louis stares at him.

 

What if it’s wrong, he hasn't heard anything from anyone to say he is being nominated. Then again who would he hear from? He doesn't exactly have Josh anymore. His phone rings from somewhere amongst his pile of clothes

 

"Fuck.." he says as he sides out of harry bed

 

"It’s Liam.. Do you mind if I..?" He asks Harry who shakes his head as he takes a bite of his butty

 

"Li.. I know I fucking know lad, no I had no idea, yeah it’s crazy" He watches as Harry smiles at him, he won’t admit it out loud but he is fucked.

 

His heart beats a little harder as he watches him push his hair back as he grins, it’s something so normal yet it makes him feel so abnormal

 

"No I can’t at the minute mate.." he turns away from Harry as Liam takes the piss out of him, he knows he is clearly with Harry "yeah, very funny. Now piss off so I can eat - thanks mate" He says and hangs up

 

"So, you going out to celebrate?" Harry asks and he shakes his head "why not? You deserve it!" Louis moves back to the bed, he knows he is probably right

 

"Did I tell you I got called up for England?" Louis asks, knowing full well he hasn't told harry, he hasn't really told him anything

 

"No, fuck.. When? That's incredible, shouldn't have dropped you in the first place" Harry says, his smile all goofy and lopsided

 

"They rang like two days before Pride of Britain, nearly fucked it up" Louis laughs "I have to keep my head down though, keep the press off my back, as long as there is nothing negative or whatever from me between now and March, I’m in the starting 11 for the world cup.. The fucking world cup harry" He tells him, gripping his hand, it’s also the first time he has let himself be properly excited about it

 

"As if this time next yeah I can say I slept with a world cup finalist.. Because let’s face it, if you make the team and don't take us to the final I will lose my shit" Harry laughs, Louis feels warm inside

"Liam still has his place right?" Harry asks and Louis nods

 

"Yeah, if I get there it will be the first team in like 10 years that's majority United players ya know? Rashford and Lingard have been called up, they are going to kill it, myself and Payno and then I reckon he's going to bring Young along for the experience ya know?" Harry nods at him, Louis never had this. His mates don't sit and talk with him like this, Harry looks like he’s really listening.

 

**Friends - Ed Sheeran**

 

"That's amazing, honestly you deserve it" Harry tells him "I grew up watching you get better... is that weird? That I’ve known who you are for so long yet you didn't know who I was?" Harry asks and Louis hadn't thought about it like that

 

"Nah not weird, just nice that we are friends now" Friends.

 

Friends. He snuggles into Harry's side.

 

Friends.

 

"What do you think your chances are?" Harry asks

"Honestly, probably pretty poor, but it’s just nice to be nominated... alongside Anthony fucking Joshua, can you believe it?" He looks up at Harry

 

"Yeah I can believe it, you’re talented as fuck mate" Mate. Louis heart sinks a little.

 

Friends, mates, bros, lads, pals.

 

He listens to the silence fill the room, nothing but their heartbeats vibrating through Louis ears. Harry is his friend. But so is Liam, he’s never done this with Liam, would be weird if he did.

 

"Wana come with me?" Louis asks, closing his eyes before he can take it back before Harry can shoot him down

 

"Where?" Harry asks

 

"To the awards, it’s only a few weeks away.. We could like go together.. If you want?" Louis asks, Harry sits up a little straighter, looking down at Louis snuggled into his side

 

"You want to go with me? What about... everyone?" Harry asks, voice low

 

"I didn't think that far ahead... I only thought about asking you" Louis admits

 

"Well, I would love to. I mean I know we can’t go together properly, but I could be there? Maybe even sat near you?" Harry laughs "we are friends, right? Friends go with friends to award shows, we can do that, I would love to do that" He's grinning at Louis.

 

That was the start of a change between them. Less tension around them, whether it was the fact that Josh was gone or the fact that they both realised they wanted each other in their lives.

The next few weeks go past in a blur, his head is fuzzy and his heart flutters more than he ever thought possible. He spends a lot of his time with Louis and he knows, he fucking knows how shit it's going to be when Louis eventually turns around and tells him to leave him alone. He’s let himself get too attached, he knew he would. The second he saw Louis smile at him, he knew he was fucked.

 

He's stayed over a few times, it’s weird. He knows it's weird for Louis too. He has to wait until Louis has left for training and then sneak out. He hates sneaking, he's never understood how or why anyone would have an affair anyway, but even more so now.

 

He couldn't do this every day.

 

**From Lou: I have a meeting later, I know you are away for a few days from tomorrow so wana come round tonight? I'll pick us some food up. If you can’t its cool, I’ll just sit at home alone and think about how much i'll miss you... x**

**To Lou: i'll be there about 7, that ok? Don't pick food up, I will cook. H x**

**To Lou: actually scrap what I just said, you are in charge of desert. H x**

 

He stares down at his screen with a smile on his face. He was dreading going away, even though he can't wait to see his mum he had this thing in his head, thinking that the second he's gone Louis will realise he doesn't want him and when he comes home he won't be there.

 

**From Lou: You saying I’m not sweet enough? Bullshit. I def am. Sounds like a deal to me though babe, just don't poison me, I have a game this weekend ;) x**

 

Babe.

 

He spends the rest of the day trying not to fixate on 'babe' it means nothing, nicknames mean nothing.

 

He picks up a few things to cook with, he honestly doesn’t know what he is going to go for, he grabs pasta, chicken and a shit ton of veg. He wants to make something Louis can eat and not worry about how shit he will feel about eating it the day after.

 

Never Seen Anything Quite Like You – The Script

 

The weeks leading up to the awards had been weird. They spent so much time with each other, but because nobody knew about them besides Liam and Zayn they spent their time between their houses, not really leaving at all.

 

It’s a Wednesday when Louis comes over to Harry’s. Harry had cooked for them, it was nice.

 

Something changed.

 

Their lips met as Harry led them upstairs, it all felt new and exciting.

 

Louis looks at him as he pulls his t-shirt over his head. His hair sticking up in a million directions after. Somehow Louis is sure he’s never seen anything so beautiful.

 

He moves up Louis body, leaving kisses along his stomach making his way to his chest, his neck, along his jaw and moving onto his lips.

 

Louis hands move to Harry’s face, something feels different. They have done this before, so many times.

 

This time is different

 

"Fuck me Louis" Harry mumbles against his lips and It goes straight to louis dick "I need you to fuck me, please" he says as he brings their eyes level with each other

 

"You have no idea how badly I want that" he grips Harry’s shoulders "you sure?" He asks

 

"Honestly if you don’t I may just have to go elsewhere" he says with a wonky grin and a giggle

 

Harry throws himself on the bed beside louis, he looks worked up already and they haven’t even started. He reaches in the bedside table and grabs the bottle of lube.

 

"Wana watch me open myself up... or do you wanna do it?" Harry asks, sensing Louis apprehension

 

"Can I watch you.. like, is that ok?" Louis asks and Harry sits up a little

 

"Can do this however you want, as long as you do want?" Louis just nods at him "I need you to verbalise that love... you sure, you know you can say no though right? I was only joking before - we don’t have to do anything" Harry rests his hand on louis thigh and smiles

 

"I do... I really fucking do" he laughs "I've just never and I feel like I’m going to ruin it" they should have definitely gotten drunk before doing this

 

"Why don’t you go pour us both a glass of wine?" Harry asks and Louis nods, sliding off the bed and heading downstairs. Making sure to stop in the door way first to look over at harry.

 

He’s lay on his bed on one side, hair pushed off his face, smile big and adorable. Louis is fucked!

 

He composes himself in the kitchen after he’s poured the wine. He can do this. He definitely can. He’s played with himself enough to know what he’s supposed to do, plus he knows how verbal Harry can be so he has no doubt that he will tell him if he doesn’t like something.

 

He climbs the stairs slowly, making sure he breathes slowly as he does.

 

He’s near the top of the stairs with he hears the first moan, it’s soft and short. He groans as he takes the last two steps.

 

Walking through the bedroom door he’s greeted by the best thing he has ever seen.

 

Harry is lay on his back, knees up and two fingers inside him. He moves them in and out slowly as Louis puts the wine down climbing onto the bed.

 

He runs his hand over Harry’s thigh as he leaves a kiss on his knee. Their eyes meet as Harry moans for him. Louis uses his free hand to squeeze himself over his boxers

 

"Let me?" He asks moving Harry’s fingers out of the way. He wants to be the one to make his mouth open the way it does when he moans

 

**Come Together -The Beatles**

 

Harry watches as Louis coats two fingers with the lube that’s lay beside him. He is visibly hard and Harry needs him.

 

If this had been any other day or with any other person he would have begged him for it by now. He knows he’s ready, he’s prepped himself well enough.

 

But as he watches Louis take his time with him he can’t think about anything else. He will go at whatever pace Louis wants.

 

He is too in his head and doesn’t notice that’s Louis has moved until he feels a thick fingers swirling against his hole

 

"Fuck" Harry gasps as Louis slowly slides his finger in. His body played firmly between his legs "your fingers feel so fucking big" Harry moans and Louis smirks

 

He slides a second finger in and Harry’s moans get a little louder. He moves his fingers slowly, edging a little deeper each time

 

"You ok?" Louis asks softly and harry can’t bring himself to open his eyes. His cock hardens against his stomach as Louis gets a little fast

 

"Yeah, yeah I’m.. fuck Louis, shit" he moans, biting his lip. Louis fingers get a little deep, he curls them ever so slightly "oh my - - yes.. fuck yes Louis that’s.. that’s it!" Harry says as Louis fingers trace over his prostrate

 

"Fuck you look so good Harry, look at you... god I’m not even inside you yet and you’re wrecked" Louis says, feeling precum from his own cock spilling out

 

"I’m not gona.. Louis please" harry says, not really actually saying anything

 

"Tell me what you want harry" Louis says and his voice is rough, it sounds a little aggressive and it turns Harry on more than he would care to admit

 

"You! I've wanted you for so long! I need you babe" Harry whines and Louis smirks

 

"And what do you want from me?" He asks sliding his fingers out, Harry moaning under him

 

"Fuck I need you to fuck me Louis please! Please! I’m ready" he says, looking up to meet Louis eyes

 

"I love when you beg for me" he laughs against his ear "turn over for me babe" louis asks and harry does while reaching for a conform from the drawer next to his bed

 

"You do realise that I’m not going to last long like this" harry says gesturing to Louis face "you’re so fucking hot and I swear the second you’re in me and I’m looking at those eyes... those fucking eyes Lou, I may just cum all over myself" he watches Louis as he slides the condom over himself before his hand over his hard cock, making sure he is coated before he lines himself up against Harry’s hole

 

"Fuck you’re so beautiful harry" Louis says, wrapping one of Harry’s legs around him.

 

He eases himself into him slowly, moans falling off both of them. He inches slowly into him, harry feeling every bit of him stretching Harry open

 

Louis head falls back as he moans, slowly picking up the pace, hips slamming into harry each time

 

"Oh god yeah Lou! So good" Harry moans, Louis fingers gripped against his thigh as he gets a little faster

 

"You like that baby?" Louis asks and Harry groans. He isn’t sure if it’s just in response or if it’s at the fact he called him baby.

 

"You feel so good. God so fucking good" harry lets go of the sheets either side of him "harder Lou" he moans as he grabs a hold of his cock, sliding his fingers down himself as Louis pounds into him

 

"You’re so tight Harry fuck, so pretty baby" Louis chokes out

 

"Yes!" Harry groans "You’re ... fuck there, keep doing that oh fuck don’t ever stop doing that"

 

"What? This?" Louis asks as he slam back into harry, pushing his hips right up against him as Harry’s moans become more of a cry

 

"Oh holy fuck yes... Louis- Lou.. so close" Harry moans

 

"Me too baby, hey.. look at me" Louis whispers, leaning down closer to harry "look at me while I cum in you" he says and Harry lives for how filthy it sounds

 

Neither of them say anything, they just hold their gaze as they moan, Harry’s bottom lip between his teeth, his eyes only half open

 

"Oh fuck.. fuck fucking fuck" Louis says as harry clenches round him. That’s all it takes to push him over the edge.

 

Their breathing is all over the place as Louis brings his lips to Harry’s chest as he gently eases out of him

 

"Fuck sakeee" Harry moans

 

"Sorry babe.. you ok?" Louis asks, still hovering over harry, he brushes his hair off his face as he smiles "you look so good right now"

 

"You’re one to talk... shit I’m all sweaty" he says as he pulls louis down onto his chest

 

"Like you like this" louis admits, voice low

 

"Yeah? I do have to shower though so at some point you’re going to have to move" he laughs as Louis whines in protest

"Ok.. 5 minutes like this?"

 

It’s half 4 in the morning before either of them wake back up. They had somehow managed to work their way under the covers. Harry the little spoon against Louis.

 

**Secret Love Song (Part 1) - Little Mix**

 

He looks down at Harry, softly snoring tucked into his chest. He looks so peaceful.

 

He loves him. He knows he does, he’s never felt like this before. He can’t admit it though.

 

It just hurts to know he’s not actually his. Like he knows that harry isn’t sleeping with Zayn, but what’s to stop him? Louis isn’t his boyfriend. Louis hides him away from everyone. He knows that Harry gets it. Or at least his thinks he does.

 

He tries to imagine a world where they can walk the streets together, can hold hands and kiss.

 

He could introduce him to his family, to his team mates. To the world. He could talk about how proud he was of him, how fucking talented he thinks he is, he could literally sit and gush to anyone that would listen, about just how wonderful he is.

 

He stirs beside him, eyes blinking open slowly. Everything seems to go in slow motion. He looks over his shoulder at Louis, smiling a sleepy smile at him. Mouthing a silent hello before turning to face him.

 

Harry is exquisite, Louis thinks. He runs his thumb across his cheek, cradling his face in his hand. He could stay like this forever.

 

"I should probably go" Louis whispers and Harry pouts _"I know"_ Louis thinks

 

They both get dressed in the peaceful glow of the street lights making their way through the window.

 

Harry pulls him into his chest when they are dressed. Harry sighs. Louis looks up at him

 

"I don’t wana go" he pouts and Harry kisses the top of his head "I love you" Louis whispers

 

They both stand frozen, unable to move from the spot they are in. Harry’s hands are on Louis face, Louis eyes currently widen in shock

 

"I meant like, ya know.." Louis says stumbling over his words "like I love spending time with you" Harry drops his hands from Louis face "Obviously" He fake laughs but Harry hasn’t moved he runs his hand through his hair "Harry…?"

 

"Yeah of course, no I mean… yeah obviously you meant you love spending time with me" Harry says with a small laugh "Because you can’t love me? Can you?" He isn’t sure if it’s a question or a statement.

 

"Is that my phone, fuck I should go, Liam is probably waiting" Louis says

 

"Yes! Yes Liam, I love Liam! I mean…　fuck" Harry says feeling like he is digging himself a hole

 

"I’ll see you later yeah?" Louis gives him a quick peck on the cheek before turning away, already mentally beating himself up

 

He leaves.

 

Leaving Harry stood in the hallway with his hands on his face wondering why the fuck he has let him go without telling him he loves him too.

 

　

They ignore it, like any grown men would. They pretend it never happened and keep things the way they are.

 

They are nice, they feel warm and familiar. Harry does all he can to keep out of his own head, he tries to be in the here and now with Louis rather than thinking about everything they don’t get to do.

 

They spend as much time as they can together. Harry gets to see Louis like nobody ever has, he gets those first few moments of the day where Louis is still half asleep and rambling on about anything and everything. This is usually when he tells Harry the most, he has told him all about his sisters and Ernie.

 

He realises, no matter what he does, he loves this boy. He can't ignore it, no matter how much he tries. Louis is now a part of him, if this was to end tomorrow Harry would still have him. He would still be a part of him.

 

**Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol**

 

The day of the Sports Personality of The Year Awards is great. He stays at Louis so they can get ready together, even though they aren’t travelling together.

Niall had been approached for Harry to perform at the awards and initially he was just going to say no. He sort of hadn’t told Niall that he was still seeing Louis, so when they asked if Harry would do it, instinct told him to say no.

 

When Harry lost it a little after Niall said he had said no, he smirked at Harry and told him he would sort it.

 

So he is performing. In front of Louis. It may or may not be a love song that he wrote for him.

 

It definitely is.

 

Harry stands at the bottom of the stairs, checking over his hair once more in the mirror

 

"Lou," He shouts up the stairs "my car is here, I have to – oh holy shit you look fucking incredible" Harry says as Louis walks down the stairs

 

The suit is a dark grey with black accents, it’s perfectly fitted. The pants cutting off just above his ankles.

 

"I mean it's no," he gestures to Harry’s red floral suit "it’s no Gucci masterpiece is it" Louis says and Harry picks him up from the bottom step, kissing him once before placing him down in front of him.

 

"Gucci suits would do you no justice… this, this is perfect, you look incredible babe" He pecks him once more on the lips as the car beeps its horn

 

"I guess you should get going" Louis says and Harry groans

 

"I really don’t want to, what do I need to pre-record a performance for? It’s just ridiculous!" Harry says, BBC have a policy when it comes to award shows, they have the act perform live but they also have a pre-recorded version of the performance on stand by

 

"Won’t be long until you see me, promise" Louis says, the beeping coming once more "Go on now, shoo" he says swatting Harry away

 

"Next time I see you, you best have that trophy in your hand" harry says with a stern voice "also," he opens the door "I love you" He closes the door behind him as he rushes to the car.

 

He had wanted to say it so many times; it was just never the right time. He had to get it out though, it was killing him, and he just needed to say it once.

 

Obviously he had to say it when he didn’t see his response. Obviously.

 

**Nightingale – Demi Lovato**

 

If Louis wasn’t panicking before, he is now.

 

Harry told him he loved him.

 

Harry loved him.

 

Fuck.

 

What if he had heard wrong though? What if he was just telling Louis that he loved his suit again? How does he handle this? What is he supposed to say? He could always just ignore him, that’s what he’s done in the past. When things are difficult to handle. Ignore them.

 

When they arrive he and Liam are escorted to their seats, he can see Harry and the band sorting out their equipment, apparently they sing two songs, one will be televised, one won’t.

 

"He looks like an actual rock star, doesn’t he?" Louis asks Liam who nods

 

"That’s because he is, he’s a brilliant teacher too, almost got the guitar mastered" Liam says with a proud grin.

  
Louis has only seen one of their ‘lessons’ but Harry hand banned him from anymore for laughing too much at Liam. He just couldn’t help it, he even stuck his tongue out when he was concentrating.

 

"I know, I forget sometimes" Louis admits

 

"How are things with him?" Liam asks in a hushed voice

 

Louis nods with a smile rather than saying anything. He isn’t sure how he would put it into words anyway.

 

"Good, you deserve to be happy mate" Liam says.

 

He’s right. He does. He can love Harry, Harry loves him.

The lights go low and the audience cheer as Harry is introduced. He thinks back to the last time he heard Harry sing, it was on The Late Late show. Louis heart felt like it was being crushed that night. He still didn’t know if that was about him.

 

"Hello," Harry says into the mic. His voice stirring something deep within Harry "firstly let me congratulate every single nominee here tonight, you’re all incredibly talented and I wish you all the best of luck – this is a song I wrote for someone who I care about a lot… so enjoy!" Harry says as the music starts up.

 

Louis stiffens in his seat

 

"If I could fly…" Harrys voice echoes around the arena, it’s the song from The Late Late show.

  
"It’s definitely about you" Liam whispers with a small laugh

 

He tries his hardest not to cry throughout the song. Maybe one or two tears escape but he can’t help it. It’s weird, but he really does think it’s about him.

 

"Thank you," he says as the music comes to an end. Sue Barker walks over to him with a smile "hello" he says, kissing her on both cheeks

 

"Hello Harry, how’re you?" She asks

 

"I’m good thank you for having me" He grins

 

"No, thank you for being here, so we know that you are a Manchester United fan so are you backing them for team of the year?" She asks him and Louis feels like he is in a dream. Harry being interviewed about sport. Turns out its more of a turn on than he would like to admit.

 

"I mean, I think I’m always going to sway towards that… but I don’t think we can take away the year that team GB had at the worlds, and the England Unders at the World Cup that was incredible, but I think the team GB women especially made this year special for me" The audience give him a big cheer and he grins

 

"And what about the big one? Sports personality?" She asks and Louis feels himself blush a little before he even speaks

 

"That’s hard too, obviously being a red my heart is with Louis Tomlinson," Oh fuck. Hearing him say his name out loud Louis freezes, his heart is with Louis Tomlinson "but," he continues and Louis tries to remember to breathe "Adam Peaty has been amazing the past few years plus I bumped into him back stage and he seems really nice, so I guess either Adam or Louis" He says and Louis can’t help but feel a bit jealous. As well as a lot hot.

 

"So you have a second song for us I believe?" Sue asks him and he nods. He fucking nods. There is a mic in front of his face and this idiot nods "Distinguished guests, please be upstanding, for Harry Styles"

 

The music starts up, it’s a little more rocky than the last song. It’s one Louis hasn’t heard before

 

"My mother told me I should go and get some therapy I asked the doctor, can you find out what is wrong with me? I don't know why I wanna be with every guy I meet  
I can't control it, yeah, I know it's taking over me I’m going crazy  
can’t contain it So tell me just what I should do?"

 

Louis listen to the words of the song he's never heard, some how it feels oddly familiar. Harry had told Louis about his coming out and how for the longest time he thought there was something wrong with him, even thought about going to see someone, like it was the 50s/

_"_ She said, Hey, it's alright does it make you feel alive? Don't look back, live your life  
even if it's only for tonight she said, hey, it's alright if it makes you feel alive"

 

Harry never went to see anyone, he knew there was nothing wrong with who he was. He had accepted that a long time ago. His mum made him realise that he could be happy no matter who he was. However, he knew Louis wasn’t in the same boat.  
  
_"_ Went to a party, just after the doctor talked to me I met a guy, I took his right up to the balcony I whisper something in his ear that I just can't repeat he said Okay but he was worried what hid friends will think he's going crazy can't contain it – he asked me, what should I do?"

 

"I said, Hey, it's alright does it make you feel alive? Don't look back, live your life  
even if it's only for tonight she said, hey, it's alright if it makes you feel alive"

 

"We got to live before we get older do what we like, we got nothing to lose shake off the weight of the world from your shoulders ooh, we got nothing to prove"

  
  
"i said, Hey, it's alright does it make you feel alive? Don't look back, live your life  
even if it's only for tonight she said, hey, it's alright if it makes you feel alive"

 

Was this Harry telling Louis its ok? If it makes him feel alive, he can be what the fuck he wants?

 

After the song finishes there is a break before the actual Awards. He needs a drink.

 

He sees Harry leant against the bar with a drink in his hand and a smile on his face as he talks to Mark Foster. Mark had recently come out as gay and he is incredibly good looking for an older man.

 

Harry has that smile on his face that he has when he is flirting. Louis stomach ties itself into knots.

 

"Hey" he says, walking up beside the two men

 

"Hello there," Harry says to him

 

"Louis! Nice to meet you man, huge fan" Mark says holding out his hand for Louis to shake. He accepts it but throws daggers in Harrys general direction

 

"Yeah you too, can I get either of you a drink?" He asks Mark holds his glass up and Harry finishes the rest of his

 

"I’m good thanks, I’ve actually got to get back, good to meet you both- good luck though Louis, I’m rooting for you! Give me a call some time Harry" He says as he walks off and Louis turns to look at him right away

 

"Give you a call?" Louis asks with his eyebrow raised

 

"can I get two double whiskey and cokes please" Harry asks the barman with a polite smile before turning back to Louis "is someone jealous?" He asks with a smirk and Louis rolls his eyes

  
"No.. I just… yes, fine, I was" He sighs leaning against the bar

 

"I tell you I love you and sing you a love song, but sure, only react when Mark Foster asks for tickets for his boyfriend!" He smirks. Louis face flushes lightly

  
"Harry I…" he looks around and Harry moves a little closer

 

"It’s ok babe, you don’t have to say anything… we should be getting back to our seats though!" He hands Louis a drink and they walk back in silence.

 

He doesn’t remember much of the night, awards are given out and he claps, applauding the right people at the right time, but soon, his category is up.

"This is it" he mumbles to Liam

 

They show short VT’s of everyone first, people cheering for each person. Louis has so much going round in his head.

 

The award, how he wishes his mum was here, how proud she would be. Harry, he loves Harry. Harry told him he loves him.

 

"And the winner is…" David Beckham says

 

"Louis Tomlinson" Prince Harry finishes off.

 

Liam has a hold of his arm pulling him to his feet. He’s looking round for Harry but there seats are nowhere near each other. Liam is congratulating him, people are pulling on his arm. This is it, he’s done it.

 

　

　

**Guardian Angel – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**

 

"Honestly, I don’t even know where to start. I ‘avent like prepared anything, didn’t think I'd need it. First off, I have to say thanks to my mum, it’s been a year since she passed and honestly, it's been the worst year of my life, but I feel like she's been there every step of the way. My friends and family. Every single one of you who voted for me, I know I seem like a bit of a handful at times," The audience laughs

 

"But I appreciate this, I will work my arse.. shit, sorry for swearing," He looks round, a few heads shaking, nothing major " I will work my socks off and prove to the people who didn’t think I deserved this that I do. And lastly and I think most importantly I want to say thanks to my boyfriend.. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him my boyfriend until I had spoken to him about that first… oh well! Thanks once again" Louis shakes a few hands and leaves the stage.

 

He is shaking.

 

Every single part of him, shaking.

 

What has he done? What the fuck has he done? He needs to leave.

 

He doesn’t look for Harry he just runs. He needs to get as far away from this building as he can. He loosens his tie as he funs.

 

He can’t breathe.

 

"Hey its ok, look at me…" a voice says, it sounds like Harry "Lou babe, look at me," it is Harry. He is sat beside a bus stop with his head between his thighs, everything is a little blurry.

 

"Harry?" He manages to say

 

"Yeah, yeah it’s me, come on let’s get you home" He helps Louis to his feet.

 

"I though you was performing" Harry shrugs as he flags down a black cab

 

"They have that recording from earlier, they can broadcast that" Louis still can’t breathe "Hey.. no, no.. look count with me," He manages to give the driver his address before turning back to Louis "come on, I know footballers are supposed to be thick babe, but I know you can count" He smiles at Louis but it makes it worse

 

"I can’t, I.. fuck 1.. 2.." Harry rubs his back as he reaches over and opens the window

 

"Keep going, 3.. 4" He encourages him

 

"5.. 6.. 7… 8…" his breathing seems to slow a little "9..10..11.. Harry" He says

 

"No, no talking yet, just keep counting for me," He pushes Louis hair off his face "please" he smiles

 

Louis has his head rested on Harry’s shoulder, but he is still counting. He is on 417 when they pull up at Harry’s. Louis takes the keys from harry as he pays the driver. Walking in ahead of him, Harry can't help but smile as he does. He walks straight to the kitchen and grabs a bottle of wine, not needing to ask where anything is or if he is ok to do it. He knows Harry, he knows he doesn’t mind.

 

Harry doesn’t speak, he wants Louis to be completely calm before he talks to him. Some point in the taxi Harry took his phone and turned it off, they can deal with that later. Harry just sits in front of him, watching him, make sure he is ok

 

"I don’t know what happened" is the first thing Louis says

 

"You had a panic attack love, we were closer to mine so I just brought you here, I hope that’s ok?" Louis looks around as if he hadn’t realised he wasn’t in his own place

 

"What have I done Harry?" He puts his head in his hands

 

"Honestly? Like do you want me to be honest or do you want me to tell you some stuff that will make you feel better?" Harry asks, Louis genuinely thinks about it for a second

 

"Be honest" So Harry is

 

"Ok, you have made a bit of a mess for yourself love, this is going to go crazy for a few days.. Maybe even weeks. If you wanted to come out you could have spoken about it, there are people who would have made it easier, planted little bits of evidence about the place" Louis nods

 

"I know" he says

 

"I haven’t finished," Harry says with a smile and his hand over Louis "But fuck me you’re brave, honestly, I only managed to check twitter for a few seconds but the amount of courage you have given people Lou.." Louis looks up at him like he is lying

 

"Can I see?" Harry winces

 

"Maybe tomorrow? When the madness has calmed a little? It’s a shit storm of everything at the minute" Louis dreads to think about what that means

 

"Can I stay here?" He asks Harry, it’s the same voice Harry has heard a handful of times, usually when he is scared

 

"Of course, if you can’t stay at your boyfriends when shit gets bad, when can you?" And he’s smirking. Louis hates him, only he doesn’t

 

"Probably should have mentioned that bit too right?" Louis asks

 

"Yeah, might have been nice to have a little heads up, didn’t think about sharing that with me?" Harry says with a smile

 

"I didn’t realise I was saying it until it came out, like I don’t know if it was obvious but I'm not a great public speaker" Louis laughs "I stopped myself saying your name though, like it almost come out, but the word boyfriend came out instead" He admits

"Well they seemed to have put 2 and 2 together anyway so my mentions are also going crazy" Harry laughs and Louis eyes widen

 

"Fuck Harry I’m sorry, I didn’t think.." Harry moves closer to him, hands on his face

 

"Its fine, if you want to be with me, and it’s not just you trying to figure yourself out, like if you do genuinely want me, I think you know I want you – so all that other stuff.. That doesn’t matter" Their noses touch ever so slightly

 

"I do, I do want you" Their lips meet, it’s filled with so much want and passion, its filled with more than Louis ever thought a kiss could be.

 

Harry lets him shower and find himself something to wear, he has been here enough to know where everything is, it’s nice. They fall into some sort of routine, it’s like they have been doing it years.

 

Louis wraps his arms around Harry’s waist as he makes tea, he plants a kiss between Harry’s shoulder blades and Harry can’t help but relax back into him.

 

They curl up on the sofa, music on in the background as Harry just holds him. He is sure he’s crying, but he just lets him. Holding him a little tighter than before.

 

"Can I ask you something?" Harry says in a voice no more than a whisper, Louis doesn’t look up, but he nods

 

"Do your family know?" Harry asks, "Like is this going to come as a surprise because maybe you could message them.." Harry had only thought about press and management when he turned Louis phone off

 

"They know, they’ve known as long as I have, they hated me lying, said it would catch up to me one day" Louis laughs, but Harry knows he doesn’t find It funny

 

"Your mum would be so fucking proud of you Lou" Harry says as he looks up this time, his eyes bloodshot

 

"You reckon? I fucked everything up" He says

 

"What are you on about?" Harry sits up, pulling him up with him "You didn’t think about it, you said what you was actually thinking for once in your career, Louis you told a room full of people that you have a boyfriend because that’s what felt right to you" His gaze shifts from Harry’s.

 

Harry puts two fingers under his chin and turns him back to look at him "she will be watching down on you right now… fuck Lou, she would honestly be so fucking proud of you" Now Harry is crying, he can’t even imagine how Louis feels right now

 

Louis brings a hand up to wipe Harry’s tears away

 

"Thank you" he mumbles before tucking himself into his chest "for everything, for being the one who made me realise its ok to have what you want.. For it all"

 

"Always" Harry says with a small kiss on top of his head.

 

The fall asleep, music as a background as they cling to each other until they are in a deep slumber.

 

**Lost Boy – Ruth B**

 

Harry isn’t sure what time it is when he first hears the banging, it’s loud. Only getting louder

 

"The fuck?" Louis says with his eyes still closed

 

"I don’t know, wait here" Harry says rolling Louis off him, grabbing the baseball bat from behind his living room door

 

"What the fuck are you going to do with that?" Louis says with a small laugh

 

"I don’t know do I’ll" Harry snaps, Louis tuts as he stands to his feet

 

"come on," He takes Harry’s hand as he pulls him down the corridor, the banging carries on "maybe put the bat down haz" Louis grins. Harry has definitely missed that. He doesn’t put the bat down.

 

Louis stands on his tip toes to look through the peep hole, Harry mentally notes that to mock him later.

 

"Fuck sake" Louis says as he opens the door "Liam, what the fuck are you doing here?" Louis asks as he opens the door

 

"Oh for fuck sake Lou" Liam shouts as he throws his arms round the smaller boy "we have been looking everywhere for you… why do you have a bat?" He says in Harry’s direction, he lowers the bat with a small smile

 

"Well, you found me, what do you want?" Louis has gone full on sass, hands on his hip

"Let me just ring David, tell him I found you… everyone lost their shit man.. Yeah Dave got him mate, no its cool, I’ve got this. Will bring him in, in the morning though" Louis looks over at Harry and rolls his eyes, Harry can’t help but laugh. He feels like a teenager getting caught with someone in his room for the first time

 

"Do you want to come in Liam?" Harry asks, kicking the bat behind the door "Go straight through I’ll put the kettle on"

 

Harry stands in the kitchen for a while, letting them both talk. He knows that Liam has always known about Louis, by the sounds of it, he’s the only one on the team who does. He doesn’t want to listen, wants to let them have their moment, but he hears his name and he can’t help but move a little closer to the door

 

".. You’re sure? Like if this is what you want mate I’m here 100% through it all, you know that, but I have to know you are doing it because you want it, not because of Harry" And Harry is glad Liam asked that, because he wasn’t sure how he was going to word it.

 

"Yeah Li, honestly, I mean I wish I had of done it differently, but I’m tired of hiding… Harry just so happens to be around to make it all bearable ya know?" When he hears moving he moves back over to the kettle.

 

He’s not crying.

 

He isn’t.

 

Ok he is.

 

He wipes his face on his shirt before Liam gets to the kitchen.

 

"Tea’s taking its time mate" Liam says as he walks in

 

"Sorry, thought I’d give you two some space ya know" And Liam smiles, it’s a genuine smile

 

"Harry,"

 

"Don’t Liam, don’t give me the "he’s fragile don’t hurt him" speech. He isn’t. Sure he is new to this, but he is stronger than I think you give him credit for and to be quite honest I’m a little annoyed you’d think I’d ever hurt him" Liam smiles, it’s like that’s exactly what he wanted to hear

 

"Hey, I didn’t say anything" He says with a smile "But good, because I need my star striker on top form. Look, if the England thing falls though because of this.." Liam says

 

"If it does it’s bollox" Harry says, "but I'll be there for him, I promise" Liam nods as Louis walks into the kitchen

 

"Talk of the devil" Liam says throwing an arm around Louis "I can’t believe you won the fucking sports personality of the year and somehow managed to upstage yourself" Liam says with a laugh

 

"It’s the Tommo way" Louis shrugs "You can go home Liam, honestly I am fine here and I promise that I will be at the meeting tomorrow" Liam looks at Harry

 

"I’ll make sure he’s up and suitable dressed, no pink glittery suits, or gimp masks, I promise" Harry says with a smirk

 

"I’m not promising anything" Louis holds his hands up as he laughs and it seems to be enough to convince Liam that he will be ok.

 

They don’t sleep much, somehow its ok though. They spend the entire time just curled up with each other, soft kisses and whispered 'I Love You's' It feels safe.

 

**Same Love – Macklemore & Mary Lambert**

 

Louis clung onto Harry’s hand as they walked through Old Trafford. It felt weird, he plays here week in, week out. So why did it feel so alien to him.

 

They never hold meetings here, Carrington, maybe. It feels like they are trying to be informal. He meets two men at Jose Mourinho's office in suits.

 

The informal thing didn’t last long.

 

They walk through to the office as they say their hellos to Louis. Two lawyers of the Glazier family apparently there on their behalf to make sure they are represented.

 

"The Glaziers own the club" Louis whispers to Harry, he nods at him. He isn’t sure which of them is more nervous

 

"Is Harry ok to stay?" Louis asks in the general direction of the table in front of him.

Liam is there, alongside Jose, Gareth Southgate and the Glazier families two lawyers. The men look amongst themselves but its Gareth that talks first

 

"of course, Harry please take a seat, you too Louis and please try and not look so nervous" He says with a soft smile.

 

"Can we just get to it? Look I’m sorry I didn’t mention it ok, there was just never a good time and I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it did .. I’m just so tired of pretending" Louis says and Liam smiles

 

"You don’t need to be sorry mate" He says and Harry rubs his thumb over the back of his hand

 

"No you really don’t Louis, we are just sorry that you didn’t feel like you could come to us" One of the lawyers say and he blinks

 

"What? Serious?" He asks them

 

"Yes, we understand that this isn’t exactly something that happens day in day out but the Glaziers want you to know that they are behind you 100% no matter what you want to do or how you want to handle this" they say and he blinks once more, looking over at Harry, not knowing what to say

 

"He doesn’t have a manager right now, how would be best to go forward?" Harry asks, Louis had told him everything he wanted to asks and he takes it upon himself to ask on his behalf, Louis smiles at him

 

"So I heard, never did like him" Jose says and Liam smacks him on the arm

 

"Me neither" Liam says and Louis rolls his eyes, not missing Harry chuckle at the side of him

 

"Ok so everyone knew he was a prick can we just…" Gareth laughs and Louis decides he likes him. More than he already did for picking him anyway.

 

"we think," one of the lawyers start to speak "we think it would be best if we got you a booking agent rather than a manager, that way we can control any contracts and payment issues, they just sort out appearances and anything that’s not football related" he says and Liam nods

 

"That’s what I have mate, it’s honestly so much better" Louis looks at Harry and shrugs, he doesn’t know

 

"I could ask Niall?" He whispers to Louis

 

"No, no I couldn’t ask you to do that!" Louis says as the four men watch them

 

"You’re not asking, I’m telling you. He is great, honestly, he was my best mate before my agent and I promise you he is fucking good at his job" Harry says so louis just nods

 

"Is that ok?" He asks the lawyers

 

"We will need to speak to him directly but yeah, as long as there is no criminal records or anything against his name we can’t see why it would be a problem…" The two lawyers look between each other, clearly wanting to say something

 

"Can I just ask," One of them says "this…" he points between Louis and Harry "is this something that you want to go public with?" Louis hadn’t thought about that, he just sort of assumed that since everyone had pretty much guessed he wouldn’t need to say anything

 

"I mean… yeah, he’s my boyfriend" Harry’s fingers tighten arounds Louis as he says that "as long as that’s not going to be a problem for you?" He asks Harry

 

"No, not at all!" Harry says a little too enthusiastically causing Liam to laugh

 

"Ok then, maybe we speak to, sorry, did you say his name was Niall?" He asks and Harry nods "we will speak to Niall about public appearances and such, make sure it’s nothing too over the top and you should be fine, the press are going to want a statement so maybe we can organise an open training day for them" he asks in Jose’s direction, he shrugs

 

"I’d rather not have them there at this stage of the season, but its needed so its fine as long as you are ok with that?" He asks Louis who nods.

 

It feels like everyone is constantly checking in with him to make sure he is ok.

 

He nods.

 

So it’s settled. Louis is going to come out with harry. He is going to have a booking agent and… fuck everyone is going to know. What if they think differently of him?

 

He spends the night with Harry, they just stay in, watching telly and doing their best to stay away from social media.

 

It hadn’t been long for the Glaziers lawyers to confirm it was ok to start working with Niall. Louis had spoken to him on the phone, it was just like talking to a mate. He could tell from Niall’s tone that he wasn’t going to make him do any shit magazines or fake relationships like Josh had done, not that he expected any differently, he has seen how he is with Harry.

 

They haven’t picked an event that they want to go to yet, but he told Louis the second he finds something he will let him know.

 

The thought terrifies Louis.

 

　

　

**Defying Gravity – Wicked Soundtrack**

 

Louis first training session back with the team rather than on his own, just so happened to be the open session for the press too. Liam had said that the lads would be fine with them and he really hoped they would. The last thing he needed was grief from his so called mates.

 

He came in a little later, making sure everyone could get changed before him, he felt weird.

 

As he ran out of the tunnel Jesse Lingard and Marcus Rashford were dicking about near the corner flag, He can’t tell what they are doing, but it’s something they probably shouldn’t. He loves watching them two, it reminds him so much of Liam and himself when they first started

 

"Tommo!!" Marcus shouts as Louis jogs passed them "was beginning to think you’ve forgotten about us" He tells him, jogging with Louis to the rest of the team

 

"couldn’t forget about you two muppets you know that, come on let's get this over with" Jesse throws his arm around him as he runs alongside them he feels better.

 

That feeling didn’t last long.

 

It was your basic training, warm ups, precision shooting, tactical shooting, footwork and then a 5 a side mini tournament.

 

It was going well enough, nobody seemed to make too much of a fuss, maybe the staring could have been toned down a little, but overall he didn’t mind. The paps shouted the occasional thing at him and he can tell by Jose’s face that he is already regretting them being there.

 

It starts going wrong when the 5-a-side game kicks in.

 

The teams had been picked out, shirts and bibs. Louis really wanted to be on Liam's team, he needed a moral crutch as it were, Jose knew this and split them up, the thinking behind it was forcing Louis into situations that he may feel uncomfortable with but that everyone knows he can handle.

 

"Fuck sake" he heard Terry Chamberlin mutter as a bib was thrown at Louis. They were on the same team.

 

He had never had a problem with Terry before, but he was one of the lads. Like the typical LAD culture was based on people like him, his dad has been a football hooligan back in the 80’s and he just sort of grew up with it.

 

Louis ignores him making his way over do David De-Gea, kicking the ball between them while the rest of the teams are picked.

 

They are laughing and joking about something or nothing when a ball comes flying across and hits Louis in the back of the head. He sees the cameras flashing from the side

 

"Oi dickhead, watch what you are doing" Louis shouts with a laugh

 

"Or what?" Terry says, not trace of anything remotely funny on his face. Liam looks between them, nodding at Louis as if to tell him its fine.

 

"Or I might just have to come and take that club record I’m after this weekend, rather than next" Louis winks at him

 

Terry Chamberlin was the current club leading goal scorer. Louis was only 3 behind him and Terry had 8 years on Louis. He was going to take over him, it was just a matter of time. Louis knew that when he did Terry would hate him for it. It’s a hell of a record to break.

 

"Sure, sure… I’m surprised you can walk straight these days let alone kick" Terry says with a laugh, he looks around like he is expecting someone to laugh along with him. Nobody does.

 

"What’s that even supposed to mean?" Louis asks with a laugh, walking closer to him. Liam comes up next to Terry staring at Louis

 

"Well you and your little boyfriend are at it like rabbits are you not?" Liam’s puts his hand across Terry’s chest but he pushes him away

 

"Actually, he’s not so little," Louis says, he hears either Jesse or Marcus laugh from behind him "I’ve been gay since I was 15, that hasn’t stopped me coming for your crown," Louis smirks "you interested mate? You seem to know a lot about my sex life, fancy a go" Terry lunges at him

 

"Fuck off, dirty little perv" he shouts in Louis face, he wants to hit him. He really wants to. He sees the cameras flashing though, he has to think about his England carer "Bet you got a right kick out of watching us in the showers didn’t you" He spits and Louis barks out a laugh

 

"You are joking right? Mate nobody in their right mind would watch you in the shower, gay or not. Just so you all know," Louis says turning on the spot "just because I’m gay, doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you all, sorry to hurt your ego’s but none of you are my type" They all laugh along with Louis and this seems to anger Terry more

 

"Puff" Terry shouts as Louis backs off. He stops in his tracks, biting his lip. He looks over at a few of the younger lads, they are looking at him like they know he is struggling to keep his mouth shut, it's true. He physically bites his tongue

 

"Lou," Jesse says "don’t" He turns round – the younger lads are looking at him. They look up to him.

 

"Oi chamberlain" Louis hears from behind Terry

 

"Wha.. fuck" as he turns round Romelu Lukaku punches him straight in the face. Now Terry is a big guy, but Lukaku is bigger.

 

Pogba pulls him back and Liam grabs a hold of Louis. They all sort of stand around and watch Terry as he staggers back to his feet.

 

"The fuck did you do that for?" He shouts

 

"I recall a racist remark about me a while back, I ignored it, let you get away with it, blaming ignorance but now I’ve had enough, it’s 2017. I’m black, Louis is gay. Get over it. If you have a problem, next time, come to me" He says

 

"Or me" Pogba adds

 

"Or me.." A chorus comes from around the training pitch and it takes everything Louis has not to burst into tears.

 

Terry walks off with his head in his hands mumbling something about a transfer. Nobody really knows what to say, they all just look around at each other

 

"Now that’s over," Jose says "You all owe me 15 press-ups and 3 laps.. Go" And just like that it’s back to normal.

 

Louis manages to grab them all before he goes to say thanks, not one of them make him feel weird about it. He wonders whether they knew all along? Or if they are just normal civilised people who don’t care about what people do in their own lives.

 

　

　

**Brave – Sara Barellies**

 

"Hey Lou hold up.." He hears one of the training staff shouts after him

 

"What’s up Karl?" He asks

 

"You remember the reserve game you came to a few weeks back?" Louis nods "Remember the small kid, 19 he is, cracking left foot?" He asks

 

"Shit yeah, Charlie right? What’s up?"

 

"He came out last night" He smiles at a confused Louis

 

"What do you mean?" He ask

 

"He told everyone, friends, family, us lot.. Twitter… Mate, it's because of you, you gave him the strength. Just you biting your tongue today and watching the others sick up for you," He says "That’s going to change so much. Watch this space…" he jogs off and leaves Louis flabbergasted.

 

He thinks back to when he was 19, if someone had of come out gay, he’s still not sure he would have found the courage to do it himself. But fuck if it helps even one person that makes him feel incredible.

 

From Harry: Let me know how it goes, ring me as soon as you finish. H xx

 

From Harry: The pictures are all over Twitter… what happened????

 

From Harry: RING MEEEEEE PLEASEEEEEEEE

 

He presses the call button next to Harry’s name

 

"Fuck sake you took your time" Harry says, he sounds like he is running

 

"Sorry babe, training, what’s up?" Louis ask

 

"Is that a joke? What’s up? Seriously Louis? I saw videos and pictures! What happened?" And Louis can’t help but burst into tears "fuck love, what is it? Are you ok? Do you need me to come and get you? I’m just at the gym but I can.."

 

"No, no it’s fine, honest, I’m fine… believe it or not, I really am" Louis climbs into his car, trying to compose himself.

 

He tells Harry all about it, from start to finish. He knows he will tell him all over again when he gets home but he knows that Harry will sit and listen and he just needs to get it off his chest. He sits in his car just talking to Harry, unable to move.

 

"That’s,… I mean I always knew Chamberlin was cunt, so that’s shit, but the rest…" Harry realistically was expecting the worst possible outcome from today

 

"I know, Harry I thought the world was going to end, I know it sounds ridiculous!" he’s still crying, hiding his face in his hands

 

"It doesn’t, I get It.. listen I have some more news and if you don’t want to do it today its fine, it’s a lot" Harry says

 

"What’s up?" He asks

 

"I’ve been invited to a film premier, some new Christmas one with Sandra Bullock and Samuel L Jackson… it sounds like Die Hard meets It’s a Wonderful Life.. Anyway I’m getting off track.. Niall rang me and said it might be a good first public even to go to, if you want?" Harry asks.

 

It’s quiet for a moment and Harry gets it if Louis says no. He knows that it’s a lot. The amount of people and press… it’s just a lot.

 

"Do I have to answer right now?" Louis asks

 

"No babe of course not, come round to mine? You can decide later" Harry says and Louis can practically hear his smile through the phone

 

"Oh and Lou," he says before they hang up

 

"Yeah?" he asks

 

"I’m so fucking proud of you, I couldn’t have done what you did today. Plus doing it in front of the press? You are so brave. This is going to change so many lives, so proud of you" He sits in silence, the tears starting back up "see you soon Lou" harry says and hangs up.

 

He does tell Harry everything again once he gets home and to his credit, Harry sits and listens, replying and commenting with the perfect amount of enthusiasm every time.

 

"So," Louis says after he'd been home for an hour "this premier... if we go, what would be wear?" Louis asks and Harry smirks

 

"You just want to get me in a fancy suit, don’t think I don’t know your game Tomlinson" Harry says with a laugh

 

"You're damn right I do, get you in it so I can get you back out of it later" louis says with a wink. He feels something in his chest, it's like a weight, but it's different than before. It feels nice, it feels like love.

 

　

6 months later…

 

**How Many Drinks - Miguel**

 

He leant against the bar, drink in his hand and a smile on his face. He knows that he should be out celebrating with the lads, it’s not every day you make a world cup final. He wanted to stay fresh though, he knew he needed to be on form. This was his one chance to make history and he was going to grab it with both hands.

  
"Please bro, come on" Jesse Lingard whined as Marcus Rashford tried to hand him a shot, he loved those two boys, he had watched them work their way through the ranks as youngsters so it was lovely to be playing alongside them for England

  
"Lads," Liam says with a laugh "leave the man alone" He throws his arms around the pair of them

  
"When we win this game," Louis looks at them both "because we are fucking going to win, I promise you I will come out. Shots on me, yeah?" That seems to be enough to hold them off for now. Liam steers the younger boys away and towards the rest of the lads.

  
There is no reason they should stay in, Louis just knows he needs a clear head. Harry will be ringing him in about an hour, the plan is to finish his drink and head to bed. Tell his boy how much he misses him and sleep.

  
It had been hard, he had been out here and Harry had been out on tour. He doesn’t know what he was expecting but it’s harder than he ever imagined.

  
"Hey, you’re Louis Tomlinson right?" The voice says from behind him, he turns round to meet the voice of the man behind him

  
"That depends who’s asking" He says with a smile

  
"Oh just a fan, I mean who isn’t a fan of the　man who is definitely going to get the golden boot this year" He smirks and Louis can’t help but smile back

  
"Can I buy you a drink?" He asks

  
"I’m afraid I have a boyfriend" He finishes the rest of his drink, the man’s eyes still on him

  
"What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him" He tells Louis as he pushes the loose strand of hair off his forehead

  
"I’m in room 312, come up in ten minutes" Louis puts the glass down on the side and walks away. Knowing full well how good his arse looks as he does.

  
He is sat on the bed when the door goes ten minutes later

  
"It’s open" He shouts, butterflies pooling in his stomach

  
"Hey…" They stare at each other for a second, Louis heart pounding heard against his chest, he stands up and walks over to the man, throwing his arms around his neck

  
"Oh fuck it, iv fucking missed you" He says as he brings their lips together, harry can’t help but laugh into the kiss as he picks Louis up and carries him back over to the bed

  
"So glad you didn’t make me create a fake name, I was panicking" Harry says as he takes Louis tie off

  
"I can’t believe you’re here, what are you?? Like how?" Louis asks, stopping Harry from unbuttoning his shit so he can just look at him

  
"I have like a week, tops! But I have to be on the plane by next Monday, otherwise I’ll be fucked. There was no way I was missing this. Mitch was talking about going out for it or getting everyone round and I was just like.." Harry pauses for a send, running his thumb across Louis bottom lip before kissing him once

  
"There is no way I’m missing my boy smash the biggest game of his life" He smirks as he feels Louis shift under him "you’ve played so well baby, saw every touch, every pass.. fuck every goal, I couldn't believe you were mine, told everyone I met" He wispers "My boy is a World Cup Finailist"

  
Harry found out a long time ago the way to get Louis instantly turned on is to be so so soft with him while whispering praise.

  
"I want to see how well he can play with me watching, see if you can score, just for me" Harry says with a soft kiss under his ear

  
"Harry…" Louis moans

  
"What baby? What’s wrong?" He asks as his fingers go back to his shirt

  
"I’ve missed you" Louis tells him

  
"I’ve missed you too, had nobody to wake up of a morning" he kisses his chest "nobody to cook for," his lips move down his chest a little lower "nobody to shout at for not cleaning their shit up when he leave it all over my bedroom" to his stomach "no body to kiss," he runs his hands over his thighs as he looks up at him "nobody to fuck" Louis moans as if on cue

 

 

 

　

　

**Jerusalem – Fat Les**

It’s was the 78th minute and England were 2-1 down to Germany. Louis wasn’t keeping it together.　

 

Harry couldn’t go anything but sit and bite his nails. It wasn’t because they weren’t playing well, they were. Decisions just haven’t been going their way. Plus Germany were on form, Ozil was having the game of his career.

 

Louis jogged to the side-line to shout something over to Gareth Southgate, signalling over to Liam who was hobbling towards them both. He was injured.　

 

You could tell by his face that he really didn’t want to leave the pitch. He puts his hand over his face as Louis throws his arm around his shoulder whispering something in his ear. Liam slides off his captains arm band and gives it to Louis.　 Nodding as he did, Louis looked at him, Harry couldn’t read his face

 

"Is that really the captain’s armband? Holy shit, this is big" Niall says from Harry’s side. Harry just nods as he watches Liam hand it over to Louis.

 

His boyfriend is captain of England in the World Cup final.　

 

His chest tightens as he watches Louis pulls the band on, talking to Gareth Southgate.　

 

The bring Rashford on for Liam, Louis shouts directions around the pitch. He’s like a man possessed. He wants this, Harry can tell.　Like you can see people want it, but Louis _wants_ it!

 

Harry moves slightly out of his seat making his way towards the England tunnel, he shouldn’t be here but Gareth Southgate has given him permission to sit with them. 　

 

He felt like a king.　

 

Play continues in front of him and it’s crazy, England using every single opportunity to breakthrough, they are making the most out of every tiny bit of possession they get. It’s not even brilliant football from a technical point, but they work hard. They make themselves available, they work themselves round the ball, each of them kicking it up a gear. They are going to be fucked by the time it comes to club pre-season training, you can see it already.

 

It’s the 84th minute when it happens. Someone takes Lingard out just outside the box, the ref pulls them back for a free kick. Louis freezes. He watches him physically stop, he looks around at the stands. He’s not sure if he’s looking for Harry or for Southgate. Harry thinks back to two weeks before the World Cup started　

 

" _Hello?" Louis says into the phone_

 

_"Hey babe, where are you?" Harry asks, glancing at the clock, it’s 11:30pm, louis said he would come round after training but he still hadn’t even text to say he’s on his way_

_"Shit sorry Harry I didn’t realise the time, I’m still here" Louis says_

_"Training?" Harry asks "it’s half 11 babe!" He chuckles lightly_

_"It’s not? Fuck sake" Louis laughs "I've been practising free kicks, my left foot is really weak and I don’t want it to come down to us fucking the World Cup up because of my left foot" Harry couldn’t be mad at him for that_

_"You need to remember to rest though, no point having a killer left foot if you’re fucked from lack of sleep" he tells him_

_"I know.. I know! I’ll be round soon, need to show you how much I’m going to miss you" Louis whispers_

 

　

**Come On England – 4-4-2**

 

　

He watches him stand above the ball looking over in his direction. The free kick in the perfect spot for his left foot. The ref pulls the line back and he readies himself. This is his time, he can take them level; give them the chance to take it to penalties.　

 

They could still do this!　

 

The 30,000 England fans fall silent. It’s an unbelievable feeling.　

 

Louis takes two steps back before running towards the ball, he chips the line and smashes it in the top right corner. He stands unmoved as every single England fan in the stadium loses their shit. Harry included.

 

Players leap on top of Louis who still looks like he can’t believe it.　

 

**St Elmo’s Fire**

 

They are still in this.

 

86th minute they can do this. They just need to hold out a few more minutes and they have their chance, take their chances on penalties.

 

That’s not enough for Louis though, he doesn’t want to just sit back and take his chances on penalties. He wants this.　

 

He shouts over to Rashford, gesturing between him and Lingard. Louis loved playing with them two because they were all at the same club, they knew how each other worked. They weren’t just team mates though; they were best mates, just like him and Liam. They know how to read each other, no need for words. The plays they run between them are always special to watch. 　

 

Louis breaks through once more, passing to Rashford on his left. He runs, fuck he’s fast, Lingard follows behind close on his tail. Harry can do nothing but watch as Louis makes his way into the box, leaving the younger lads passing between themselves fighting off anyone that comes near them.

 

Lingard passes the ball into the box, it lands at Louis feet.

 

There are seconds left on the clock.　

 

He hits it.

 

The place erupts.　

 

The ref blows the whistle for the goal. They have about 40 seconds left on the clock, the ref is going to pass the ball back to the Germans, let them break and that’s it, the whistle is going… that’s it.

 

People around him are ready to run, to celebrate…

 

20 seconds, Jesse Lingard is sobbing as he makes his way back to the half way line. He can see the defeat on the Germans faces and then…

 

He’s done it.

 

He falls to his knees, head in his hands as the Germans collapse in tears around them.　

 

　

There are people piled on top of him, there’s crying and laughter and he’s pretty sure he can’t breathe. People shouting his name and pulling at him.　

 

He manages to pull himself up, Lingard and Rashford are the first faces he sees. Lingard is crying and he can’t help but cry too　

 

"We fucking did it Lou" he tells Louis who can’t help but pull him in for a hug　

 

"I know mate, I fucking know!" He thinks back to the second he stood over the ball. Knowing harry was there gave him some sort of thrill, he knew what he had to do. He had done it time and time again, practiced it until he had blisters.　

 

It’s weird but there wasn’t an ounce of nerves in him. There had been for the rest of the game but in that moment there wasn’t.

 

The second it hit the back of the net his mentality changed, he needed this now. It was within touching distance and he needed it. He knew he could rely on his boys.

 

Southgate rushed over to him, his arms out wide and a massive grin on his face, Liam was behind him, sobbing uncontrollably.　

 

"Captain marvel!" He says as he grabs Louis "I knew I was right to pick you, you fucking beautiful man!" He says kissing Louis forehead "oi Marcus get over here" he says, passing Louis as quickly as he came　

 

"How is this life?" Liam says "how have we done it? Us?" He gestures between the both of them, someone throwing water over them　

 

　

"Louis, Liam, can we have a quick few words?" It’s a BBC presenter with a mic and a camera in his face, Sue someone or other Louis thinks

 

"Sure" Liam says throwing one arm around Louis　

 

"I’m here with..."

 

"WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS OF YHE WORLD!" Liam screams into the camera as they start to roll and Louis just laughs　

 

"How are you feeling boys?" She asks and Louis just points to Liam　

 

"I think Liam put it as eloquently as possible... I don’t think it’s really hit me yet! Maybe the second I get my hand on it, when I actually touch it... I have to.. I have to go, Liam, please carry on singing" Louis says moving closer to the camera "FOOTBALLS COMING HOME ITS COMING HOME ITS COMING" he sings, arms in the air as he jogs away.

 

Harry is stood on the side-line, he looks like he’s crying but Louis can’t help grinning as he jogs towards him.　

 

His legs feel like they’re seizing up as he gets closer, his chest tightens as his smile some How gets bigger.

 

He’s running towards his boyfriend after scoring the winning goal of the world cup. It’s a crazy feeling.

 

He doesn’t speak once he reaches him. He just jumps into his arms. Legs wrapped round him as he sobs into his neck.

 

"So fucking proud of you" Harry says between sobs　

 

Tonight, they celebrate!

 

Shot after shot, laughter, smiles. To top it all off they are there together, god knows how Harry would have coped if he had been the other side of the world for this. They laugh and dance, every single member of the England squad all the way down to the kit man joins in, they find a bunch of England fans, its unheard of but they all go out together. Still in their kits.

 

Louis can already see the headlines tomorrow.

 

　

**I Want To Write You a Song – One Direction**

 

Louis rolls over in bed, grabbing at the sheets over the empty space next to him searching for Harry with his eyes closed. His head is throbbing like crazy, he doesn’t remember much about last night, but every memory he does have he has a shot in his hand… That explains the head

　

"Harry?" He says into the room while yawning. No answer.

 

He slides his legs off the side of the bed, groaning as the room spins around him. He stands up slowly, steading himself on the wall next to the bed. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, hair stuck up in a million directions, marks across his face from where he has slept and writing all over his chest.

　

He runs his fingers over the words alongside his tattoos.　 _World Cup Winner 2018 – Also World Sucking Cock Winner 2018_ is scribbled in handwriting that Louis knows is definitely Harry’s.

　

He grabs his phone of the bedside table, he ignores the hundreds of texts and emails that are on there and shoots Harry a quick text asking where he is before taking a quick picture of the writing on his chest and jumping in the shower.

　

His whole body is still tingling, he has a feeling in his gut. It's like the feeling you used to get Christmas Eve.

　

He’s a World Cup winner.

　

He catches himself grinning in the mirror when he gets out of the shower. He’s never felt this happy.

　

When he comes out of the bathroom Harry is back in bed and there is coffee and food on the table.

　

He smiles at Harry who is curled up into himself with the covers pulled up high.

  
"I know you’re not asleep and I can also see you still have your shoes on, what sort of caveman are you?" Louis asks, squeezing himself next to him and brushing his hair off his face "morning handsome" he says with a smile and Harry groans

　

"I think I’m dead Lou, like actually dead. Thought the fresh air would help" he says

  
"And it didn’t?" He chuckles as Harry attempts to sit up

　

"Guess what I saw out there?" He asks Louis who shakes his head

　

"Britney? A monkey on a pig? Ooooh was it Gary Neville doing shots out of Gareth Southgate’s belly button because I saw that last night and let me tell you, not pretty" Louis says and Harry looks confused

　

"For real?" He asks and Louis laughs

 

"Yep… so what did you see love?" He slides on his boxers and grabs a pair of joggers out of his case

　

"I saw Danny Rose, Rashford and Harry fucking Kane still drinking! Like they weren’t just sitting there, they still had drinks in their hands! Marcus tried to force me to have one, I almost threw up in his face… Oh god the smell" Harry says and Louis can’t help but laugh once more

　

"I mean Danny and Marcus are only young, I get it… Harry Kane is proper knocking on a bit though, how the fuck is he doing that? I was dead by 3!" Louis says

　

He vaguely remembers getting in, he was holding Harry up as much as Harry was holding him up. He wishes he could see the cctv footage because he’s pretty sure they fell about 12 times.

　

"I was dead by 11 but somehow I managed to keep on… Liam can drink can’t he? Fuck me, I thought he was going to be a lightweight so I tried to keep up" Harry says, eyes wide open and Louis is so in love it hurts.

　

He loved that Harry stayed out all night with them, he also loved that none of the boys made it weird. Took him in as if he had always been part of the group, Louis honestly couldn’t even believe he was there.

　

"Yeah, Liam is a sly one… probably should have warned you" Louis stands and looks out of their window, all he can see are England flags. It’s incredible. He managed to check the internet earlier, it’s the first time since he came out that he has 100% good press.

　

Everyone is praising him and loving him. He dreads to think how they would have been with him if that free kick hadn’t gone the way it did. He’s thinking about that as he feels arms wrap round his waist, soft lips against his neck

　

"Good morning" harry whispers into his neck "you smell good" Louis turns round to face him. He looks fucked, his hair is pushed off his face but is sort of sticky and he honestly smells like pure alcohol

　

"You smell… different" Louis says with a smile

　

"I know, I need to shower" harry nods "you should come and get in with me, let me show you how proud of you I am"　

 

"You are too late, I already showered… you go shower and then come and show me how proud you are of me, your World Cup Winning boyfriend .. who is also a World Cock Sucking Winner" Louis says with a grin handing Harry his phone

 

"Did I do that?" He asks with a laugh

 

"I mean, it looks like your handwriting so I fucking hope so" He kisses him on his forehead

 

"Why the fuck is your head sticky?" Louis as and Harry smirks at him, Louis smacks his arm "it’s not cum, it smells like cherry" He tells him and Harry eyes open wide

"Oooh shit yeah, someone poured a bottle of cherry sours over me!" He says like it’s the most normal thing in the world.

 

"Course they did" Louis rolls his eyes "go shower and then come back to bed" Louis tells him, kissing him once more.

 

 

* * *

**Grow Old With Me - Tom Odell**

 

"I wrote you a song" Harry says when he comes out of the bathroom

　

"While you were in the shower?" With a sarcastic grin on his face, sometimes harry is unsure why he loves him

　

"No, smart arse, not while I was in the shower, I started writing it a while back but I finished it on the plane.. wana hear it?" Harry asks, biting his lip. Doesn’t matter how many people he sang in front of night after night, when it came to Louis he always felt nervous

　

"Of course I want to hear it, has anyone else heard it?" He asks and harry smiles. He knows that Louis loves hearing his stuff before anyone else, makes them feel closer

　

"Nope… ok give me a second" harry says moving across the room, taking his phone

　

"Ok, so it’s going to be on piano, but obviously I don’t have one with me" Harry says watching louis sit up amongst the pillows with a small smile

　

"Ok" He nods

　

"Ok, so I’ll…" Harry connects his phone to the big telly behind them "I’ll put the music on here and just like, sing?" He’s a musician that has forgotten how to talk. Louis laughs at him, but he nods too.

　

The music comes on, the slow piano filling the room. Harry feels the blush on his cheeks before he even starts

　

"I can feel you breathing, with your hair on my skin as we lie here within the night. I’ll pull the sheets when it's cold on your feet because you’ll fall back to sleep every time" Harry smiles as he sings. Louis feet are always cold in bed. Always.

　

"Grow old with me, let us share what we see," He notices Louis head fall to the side slightly "And oh the best it could be, just you and I… and our hands they might age, and our bodies they will change, but we’ll still be the same as we are"

　

He feels his confidence spread through him ever so slightly.

　

"We’ll still sing our song, when are hair ain’t so long and our children have sung we were right, they’ll sing, grow old with me, let us share what we see and oh the best it could be just you and I" he notices a tear roll down Louis face so he has to look away

　

"And the hairs they stand up and my feet start to thump, yeah the feeling is dreaming around, you’ll be the one – make me hurt make me come, make me feel like I’m real and alive" he moves closer to the bed, sitting down next to him, his fingers moving across his arms.

　

Louis does everything he can not to look at Harry, until he moves his fingers to his face, tilting his chin up towards him, his bright blue eyes filled with tears as Harry smiles at him

　

"Grow old with me, let us share what we see and oh the best it could be, just you and i… grow old with me, let us share what we see and oh the best it could be.." He pulls Louis closer to him, lips meeting with a crash

　

"Just you and I" he whispers as he rest their foreheads together

　

When the music stops, neither of them moves. Harrys neck pulling slightly to keep himself resting against Louis, but he doesn’t care. He smiles as he wipes the one remaining tear from Louis face

　

"I’m sorry, it’s just been an emotional week and I just… I love you" He whispers. Harry will never get over that feeling, Louis saying he loves him. It makes every part of him feel like it's on fire

　

"I love you too" Harry says, moving himself so he can lay next to him "I know this is still really new in the grand scheme of things, but I do want to grow old with you Lou" Harrys voice is low as Louis shifts under him, pulling himself down in the bed so they are face to face

　

"I feel the same, honestly, I know I’m not exactly the boyfriend connoisseur, but it’s you… you’re all I need, I know, I can feel it. I want kids, I want marriage, I want it all, if it’s with you" Louis says and Harrys heart feels like it’s about to burst.

　

They haven’t actually spoken about marriage, it’s always been something Harry never thought he needed. Don’t get him wrong, he loves a good wedding, he just never saw himself being the one getting married. Until he met Louis.

　

"I’ve missed you so much these past few months, like every time you had to leave it was like someone was ripping my heart open, that sounds corny as fuck when I say it out loud" Harry laughs but Louis shakes his head, moving his fingers to his face.

　

"I want all that Lou, want to have a family with you – a life of our own.. When you're home, like properly and when I'm back off tour…" Harry stops for a second to properly look at the boy, the man, in front of him. He’s a walking contradiction of himself. His scruff on his face makes him look like a LAD, like he's this tough bloke, shouting orders about to his team, standing his ground and taking charge. His soft skin and soft eyes still wet from the tears, his bright personality that makes itself warming for Harry. He finds it hard to believe that both of them are him and Harry gets to love them both.

  
"Move in with me? Either my place or yours or we can even find somewhere new… let's get a dog too" Harry says rather quickly, like he feels rushed, that if he doesn’t get it all out as soon as he can Louis will stop him.

 

"My place or yours?" Louis asks with a smile

 

 

　

**Blinded By Your Grace Pt.2 - Stormzy**

 

The rest of Harry’s tour dragged. Louis had managed to come with him for a week but he had to leave. He needed to go home to Doncaster, spend some much needed time with his family and then get back to Manchester for Pre-Season training. He honestly feels like he hasn’t sat down since they won the Premier League back in May.

 

What a year, Premier League title, Champions League finalist and World Cup Winner. When he thought back on it, he honestly couldn’t believe it. He’s worked his arse off for as long as he could remember, sacrificing so much family time to make sure he got where he needed to be.

 

Before he goes to see the family he makes a stop off at the cemetery. He doesn’t come much, he hates it. He’s never felt connected to his mum while he is here so he never saw the point. She would laugh at him if she could see him stood talking to himself. Something made him go though, it felt right.

 

So he stands in front of her headstone, flowers in hand and he breaks down. It’s not like he hasn’t cried since she died, he had. Not often, but he had. So much had happened since she had gone, so much he never got to share with her, things she never got to see him do. He wipes his face as the tears continue to fall.

 

"I’m sorry" He mumbles as he puts the flowers down "I couldn’t get Peonies, I know you loved them, I’m sorry" he says, in a hushed voice "I miss you mum" The tears fall a little harder

 

"I don’t know what I’m doing here, you probably think I’m crazy. I am, I take after you" He laughs "I want you to be proud of me, I know, I have a cheek right?" He moves to sit down properly, crossing his legs under him "I don’t come and see you for months and then I turn up and ask you to be proud of me," He picks at the grass under him "I’ve worked so hard, not just for me… like, for you, I know you was worried I would go off the rails when you went"

 

He thinks back to the conversations they had once she knew there was nothing they could do. He could see in her eyes she was worried about him, out of everyone she was worried about him the most. He had a habit of trying to drinking his problems away, she never wanted that for him.

 

"I didn’t though, I somehow went the opposite was" He laughs as he wipes his face again "Liam said it’s because I’m stubborn, I like to prove people wrong, I think I get that from you too" He admits "I met someone, I think that’s helped, you’d love him mum honestly" He smiles, the tears no longer falling

 

"He’s smart and funny, he’s caring and he really does love me. He’s gorgeous too, the kids haven’t met him yet, they know all about him, I just… I don’t know, it’s weird to not have you meet him first ya know? You really would have loved him" He nods

 

"I’m moving in with him, it scares the fuck out of me, but that’s good right? I remember when you told me you was pregnant with Doris and Ernie, you said it scared the fuck out of you, but that’s how you knew you was doing the right thing, well that’s how I feel… so if this goes south, it’s on you" He lies back on the grass now, no longer feeling stupid about talking to himself

  
"He wants to get a dog, I’m going to have a boyfriend with a house and a dog, me. Louis, your Louis. Who’d have thought it?" His phone buzzes in his pocket, he sits up to pull it out "Its Lottie, they are expecting me so I should probably go… I love you mum, I promise I won’t leave it so long next time" He gets to his feet, wiping the grass off his jeans as he smiles down at the headstone. As he does a Robin perches on the top of the headstone

 

"You do realise its June right?" Louis says to the small bird, it just looks up at Louis and chirps. He knows it’s stupid, he knows it’s impossible, but he feels something.

He watches the bird for a few more moments before he pulls himself away, his phone buzzing once more. It’s like she was letting him know, she’s here, she sees it all.

 

Always.

 

** Coming Home Now - Boyzone **

 

Harry was stressed. Like so fucking stressed. He and Louis had decided that for the time being, until they found something perfect they were both going to live at Louis’. Harry doesn’t know why he had agreed to it, he loves his house. Louis suggested it though and Harry had a hard time saying no to anything he suggested.

 

"Fuck!!!" Harry shouts as he throws the box across the room.

 

Zayn ducks out of the way of it as he walks into the room, Harry looks up at him and he wants to cry and stamp his feet. It’s not far.

 

"What the fuck is going on?" Zayn asks, eyes wide

 

"Louis doesn’t have a big enough closet for everything I have right? So I have to box stuff that I want to put in storage and box stuff I want to take with me" Harry says, standing up, hands on his hips "But I want it all Zayn, why do I need to hide shit away" He actually does stamp his foot this time

 

"And why can’t Louis move here? You have plenty of space" He says and Harry doesn’t miss the way he laughs at him

 

"Because he suggested moving to his and I said I would, I can’t say no now!" Harry throws himself on to his bed dramatically

 

"Why not?" Zayn asks as he strides over a box that says ‘More Fucking Boots’ he smirks to himself as he lands on Harrys bed

 

"Because if he wanted to live here, he would have said" He points out

 

"You won’t know unless you ask" Zayn tells him and Harry pulls his face. He hates Zayn at times "when is he due back from Doncaster?" Zayn asks and Harry shrugs, he knows perfectly well he will be back tomorrow so he doesn’t know why he pretends he doesn’t. He just juts out his bottom lip and pouts.

 

Harry’s laptop springs to life in the corner, Skype beeping as he sits up

 

"Talk of the devil," Zayn says, climbing over a mound of coats to reach for the laptop

 

"Hi Louis" Zayn says into it before Harry can protest

 

"Alright mate," Louis said. Once he had realised that Zayn wasn’t actually a threat they had actually become friends "is he there?" He asks and Zayn nods

 

"He is, now before I hand you over" Zayn starts

 

"Zayn stop being a cunt" Harry shouts and Louis looks confused

 

"I think you should maybe talk about this living situation… I mean look at this," Zayn gives him a mini tour of the room and Louis can’t help but laugh

 

"Did your closet explode?" He asks Harry as Harry finally gets a hold of the laptop

  
"No, I just… Zayn, will you put that down and fuck off you’re not stealing anything" He shouts over at his best friend who is currently searching through a pile of leather jackets that Harry has never worn but doesn’t want to let go of

 

"I just, look… it’s just… god why is this so hard to say?" Harry says running his hand over his face

 

"You don’t want to live with me?" Louis asks and Harry’s eyes shoot open

 

"What? No, no, no!! I can’t wait to live with you" Harry says and he sees Louis let out a little sigh

 

"So then what?" He asks, Harry is pretty sure he can still see Zayn stood at the door listening but says it anyway

 

"Maybe we could, like if you wanted to, obviously if you really didn’t want to we wouldn’t, but maybe we could live here? I just have so much more space for my shit and I know that I should probably sort through it all and I promise I will before we get our own place but maybe like just for the time being we could…" Louis is laughing before Harry finishes "what’s funny?"

  
"You are!" He says "Why didn’t you tell me you wanted to stay? Babe, I have no issue with staying there, honestly! Doesn’t make a difference to me" He shrugs and he now knows he Zayn is listening to him because he can hear him laugh

"Are you serious?" Harry asks and Louis nods

 

"yeah, I don’t have that much stuff and what I do can be squeezed in wherever, as long as I have somewhere I can store my shirts until we move?" He asks and Harry nods

 

"Yeah I have so much space, will even clear one of the spare rooms out and it will be your room for your shirts" He grins and he can still hear Zayn laugh "we need to change the locks though, some people have keys who I really don’t want round here anymore" He says as he throws daggers in the direction of the door.

 

　

**Marry Me – Train**

 

　

What's this?" Louis asks stepping foot into the room, Harry is hunched over the candles, lighter in hand. He looks startled as he looks up at Louis. They had been living together for two months, Louis had only just gotten settled in. They house hunt was slow, they had decided that since they were both fine at Harry's, now theirs, that they wouldn't move until they found the perfect house. Luckily for them both, they had the same image in their heads.

  
"I thought you weren’t going to be back for another 10-15minutes" He says, unmoving from the hunched position

　

"So you thought you’d hold a séance?" Louis asks confused. Harry sits back on his knees and smiles up at him

　

"Yes Louis, I'm down here lighting a million candles because I'm trying to talk to the dead" He laughs

　

"well I don't know, you're weird when you want to be... so what are you actually doing?" He asks walking into the room, the warm heat from the candles hitting his face

　

"I was just like.... I don't know, I thought it would be nice" he shrugs and holds his hand out for Louis to sit down with him

　

"You really are odd you know that? You could burn the place down" He points out and Harry rolls his eyes

　

"Ok this is supposed to be romantic and you’re ruining it with your fire talk!" Harry says

　

"I mean you have literally covered in the room in actual fire!" Louis smirks and Harry rolls his eyes again

　

"Louis..." He gives him a look that Louis takes serious this time

　

"fine, fine" Louis pretends to zip his mouth

  
He looks at Harry who smiles at him, the light behind him like some sort of angelic glow. It's like he can actually see a halo.　 Louis takes the time to notice the room, yeah there are candles all over the place but there are also flowers, white lilies on all the surfaces. Harry is wearing a white shirt, opened to just above his moth tattoo. Louis quirks one eyebrow

　

"What actually is this?" Louis says as Harry moves slightly closer

　

"Lou, look I know that this isn't exactly how you saw your life. Living with someone who spends half the year away from you, who annoys the fuck out of you on a daily basis... who fills rooms with candles more times than he would care to admit" Harry shrugs "but I promise you now that you will never find anyone who loves you more than I do, you’re literally all I want from life" Louis pulls back from Harry a little

　

"What is this?" He asks once more, voice low

　

"I know that this is soon, like we haven't even been together a year yet, I know its soon, I know" He says "but I honestly can’t picture a world where this isn't a thing, where I don't love you, where you're not in my life. I want to be with you forever, if you'll have me"

　

"Harry," Louis says softly "what.."

　

"No, let me finish please?" Louis just nods "I thought about this, thought about us buying our own place, staring a life together and there is no way I want to do it without this" Harry pulls a small box from under his thigh

　

"Louis William Tomlinson, will you marry me, me and all my candle loving self" Harry asks, tears in his eyes - Louis looks like he is about to cry or run away ... or both.

　

"Lou..?" Harry asks, when he doesn't say anything suddenly thinking that he shouldn't have asked. Shouldn't have presumed that they were on the same page. Of course they're not. Louis has only just admitted out loud that he was gay, of course he isn't going to want to get married

　

"Are you.. are you serious?" Louis asks, Harry doesn't know how to read him

　

"I mean, I was..." Harry says, how could have he read this so wrong.

　

"You want to marry me?" Louis asks

　

"yes. I mean I thought that you wanted it to, im sorry I just.." Harry closes the box trying to scramble to his feet

　

"Harry where are you going?" Louis asks

　

"I should probably blow these out" he mumbles to himself as he moves about the room

　

"Do you, like are you serious?" Louis asks

　

"Of course I am, I bought a fucking ring" he says, opening the box again

　

"You want to marry me? ME?" Louis asks

 

"Yes you!" Harry says throwing his arms in the air dramatically, he should probably try and calm down, just because Louis hasn’t said yes it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him "Who else would I light a million candles for?"

 

Louis doesn’t say anything, he just moves across the room. Stopping Harry as he blows the candles out around them. He puts his hands on his shoulders and looks up at him. Harry can't help the way his heart skips a beat, the blue eyes look up at him and he wants to stand here forever, just looking into those eyes.

 

"Are you sure you want to marry me?" Louis asks and Harry sighs

 

"I wouldn’t have made a dick of myself with all this if I didn’t!" Harry says unable to keep himself calm

 

Louis doesn’t say anything, he moves his hands up from Harry’s shoulder to his face, moving his thumb across his jaw before pulling him down to meet his lips. Harry keeps his hands by his sides not moving as Louis kisses him

 

"I honestly couldn’t think of anything I would love more, I don’t care how long we have been together Harry, the second that guy introduced us at the Pride of Britain I haven’t wanted anything else but you. If you mean it I would love to marry you, I can't think of anything I would love more" Louis says, his cheeks blush in a soft pink way, Harry can't help but cry.

  
He doesn’t say anything else, he just kisses Louis, it's not soft. Its full of want and need. Harry tries to push Louis back, trying to find the nearest surface, louis puts his hands up against Harrys chest to stop him.

 

"If you move me back even just a centimetre more one of us is going to catch on fire" Louis laughs as Harry looks around them

 

"Ok so maybe I didn’t think about the practicality of the candles" Harry says with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth

 

"I love it, can't believe you actually lit every one of these" Louis says as he turns on the spot taking in the candles round him

 

When he turns back round Harry has the small box in his hands once more. He opens it and its not Louis turn to cry

  
"Fucking hell Harry" He mumbles and Harry smiles

 

"I know you’re not a jewellery kind of guy, but I thought this was nice, simple but pretty" Harry says, sliding the platinum band down his finger

 

"Like me?" Louis asks grinning up at Harry, tears rolling down his face

 

"like you" Harry agrees with a laugh

  
"You don’t have a ring though" Louis says and Harry shakes his head

 

"I have loads of rings, I don’t need one... you on the other hand" He says as he runs his finger over the ring now on Louis hand

 

"You're mad if you think I'm not going to buy you one" Louis tells him with a grin

 

"Fine, fine.. I will let you buy me a ring" he fake sighs.

 

"I love you, so much" Louis mumbles against his lips, Harry picks him up wrapping his legs around his waist.

　

It's weird to him, he never realised how another person could make you feel so many things. Louis came into his life from pretty much nowhere and now, now he can't even begin to imagine his life without him.

 

Harry moves the flowers from the sideboard, resting Louis on top of it, moving his lips to his neck.

 

"Liam knows by the way and Zayn" Harry says as he moves his hands up Louis thighs

 

"What? Why?" Louis asks

 

"I needed help," Harry chuckles and Louis raises his eyebrows "Liam helped me get your ring size and Zayn caught me looking at rings and demanded I let him help, although he wanted something a bit more garish – think Katie Price, Peter Andre ear" Harry says with a look of disgust

 

"I can't believe they both knew and didn’t tell me" Louis says

 

"oh man, if you're mad about them knowing you're not going to like this next bit" Harry says biting his lip as Louis narrows his eyes at him

 

"what did you do?" He louis asks

 

"I sort of, well I definitely... I told Lottie" harry says quickly

 

"as in my sister?" He asks and Harry nods "why?"

 

"I know I've only really spoken to them on skype but they are your family Lou, I know how much they mean to you and I know that if I could have, I would have gone to your mum first" Harry can see that Louis does his best not meet his gaze

 

"I guess, I never thought about that" His voice is soft

 

Harry isn't stupid, he knows how hard this will be for Louis, how hard it will be to get married without his mum there. She's the head of the family, the one that raised him to be exactly who he is.

 

"I thought that, I mean I know I have literally just gotten engaged but, I thought that instead of wedding presents people could donate, Leukaemia Research and Bloodwise, that way even though your mum isn't there she will be thought of throughout the day" That seems to be the thing that pushes Louis over the edge.

 

He leans against Harry's chest as the tears fall

 

"she really would have loved you" Louis says between sobs

 

"yeah you reckon? I'm not sure how Lottie feels about me, she seemed very mean, she threatened to chop my balls off if I ever think about hurting you –" Harry says and Louis can't help but laugh

 

"sounds like Lottie" He says with nod

 

"she did call be a beautiful prick when I asked her if I could marry you though, so swings and roundabouts" Harry laughs, planting a soft kiss on the top of Louis head.

 

Louis arms snake round his waist as they just stay like that for a moment, the candle light dancing around them as neither of them feel the need to move or talk.

 

That's how it goes, they have hard times, sure – but they love each other throughout. They share each other's sadness, revel in each other's joy, they are there together for the nicest things, Brit nominations and awards, Players Player of the season awards, Grammys, Champions League trophies and when the time is right, children.

 

No matter what life throws are them and neither of them are gullible enough to think that they will have an easy ride, no matter what comes there way, they will tackle it head on. Together.

 


End file.
